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Phew, there hasn't been an update in a while. I got over the limbo, that turbulence. I've been practicing loosening those reins and just being curious about each day, and a lot has been happening. When you follow your curiosity and the things presented to you, a lot of great stuff can happen that you couldn't plan for yourself if you were in control – surprises, discoveries, opportunities for growth. Same with openness to my emotional self – acting from my needs instead of neglecting them and pushing through them makes things happen, internally and externally. Acknowledging my feelings as important has made me happier and more confident . And that in turn gave me more inspiration to do things, and more energy – even for stuff that's not my favorite. Going into things with curiosity and a sense that I have my own back and won't force anything just makes everything easier.

There are psychological, spiritual, and magical methods I've been using to keep this trend going and to cement it in my consciousness. I know all of this but there's a difference between knowing something intellectually and knowing it on a level that you can naturally act from and trust, a lived truth – I'm not sure I'm there yet. I'm still writing daily in the Stoic Journal, and pulling tarot cards with each entry (almost exclusively using the Thoth deck in February). I've expanded my daily care to include check-ins with the Mood Patterns app, building those emotional skills. I wrote a prayer to remind me to surrender control, but some days are easier than others when it comes to that, I don't remember to live by it all the time, still need a lot of reminding. I did the feeding your demons practice a couple of times, I think it'd help if I was more consistent with that. And I have a big magical working in progress for this theme of surrender (but more “fun” inspiration has been getting in the way).

I like seeing myself being bolder, bringing up things that bother me which previously I'd try to shrug off, invalidating my discomfort. I like taking opportunities that show up without having to fearfully overthink them. I love where I went with my witchcraft, being guided to resources, making use of them to more inspiring results. I love the art that's been happening, almost as if it was meant to be – I'm just finding things and putting them together in delightful ways. And I love how all of it is interconnected, how it weaves together making one whole. But right now I'm weary and it's making me wary.

I'm worried about how much has happened, how fast, how intensively. It seems like another build up to burnout. I jumped into some things, worked at them really hard, and then left them kind of half-way done, my energy lowered. Hopefully if I can continue with some of the above methods I can make it back around to this flowing, open state. Or that at least some of what I've learned sticks around with me as an inner truth to live by. (New thing to figure out – once my energy is back up will I naturally flow back to those half-done things, or will I try to force myself back to them because I “should” finish things, or will I naturally and easily move on to the next thing?)

As a matter of record here's some of the stuff from February:

• beautiful beads I strung up from just stuff I had lying around, looking at them reminds me that wonder is all around,
• new magic experiences and the tools they inspire – made a charm, in progress of making a brush, planning to make some more spirit houses and vessels,
• unplanned top to bottom cleansing, blessing, and warding after hearing a disembodied voice in the bedroom (actually that could be what took the most out of me this month),
• started on a website with my partner, something we've been talking about for a long time,
• doggo diary drawing series, he's so cute and low pressure,
• found art oracle,
• spending a lot of time alone, outside, and allowing that to be a free-form adventure,
• let my family know of my new name choice,
• had a week-long email exchange with one of my favorite relatives about my trans experience,
• started seeds for our garden

and more I'm sure!