April wrap up
Damn, the year is flying. I think the only new thing to report is – I've already bought a new tarot deck, checking off the only purchase of this sort I've allowed myself for this quarter. Not sure how I feel about it. It had been on my online sort-of wish-list of cheap decks (not the ultimate wish-list of “if I save during the year I could get one of these indie decks”) but then when I saw it at the store, physically, it was so easy to convince myself it's better to get it now than order it later, it'll be less of a waste without all the extra transport and packaging etc. So, lesson there: do Not go into physical stores that might carry the temptation. Somehow it's much easier to stop myself when it's online. Things just hang out on wish-lists or even in baskets and that's fine, that's almost like having gotten them. But the thing being physically present, right there, but not Mine is a bit too overwhelming it seems.
It definitely didn't help that I'm sort of in-between things. I'm not into a piece of media, I've just finished re-reading a favorite book, I don't have a project going on. I've been trying to “shop my shelves” for tarot inspiration but it wasn't doing much for me. That could be because I'm in my “off time” – I do flow in and out of it over the months and years, and I don't think it's a matter of That Perfect Deck that would keep me anchored in and excited about this interest. But it's another lesson – potentially regrettable purchases happen when I'm adrift. I do have to say it's not as harrowing as it used to be, this lack of focus. The purchase was more of a “why not?” than a “thank GOD, something new!”
In other news, I'm very satisfied with my sketchbook progress. Maybe I haven't drawn exactly every single day, but I did fill more spreads than there are days in April so actually I'm a little impressed with myself. It's helping to think of it as a diary, not as a product to complete, or to show off. Maybe I will – at the end? But having most of my making be Not for others' consumption feels pretty good.
Still writing daily in the stoic journal, not really pulling cards along with the entries anymore, but hey. This consistency is still astounding for me. Although – as I mentioned on mastodon – this twice-a-day journaling kind of takes up my mental “slot” for “writing”, and I've been feeling a need to explore my thoughts a bit more broadly than the little prompted sections in the book allow for. Maybe that will be the focus for May? Make/allow time for “proper” journaling. Maybe I'll figure out some useful things about being adrift? Let's find out.