first week of may

Well, the first week of May has been a bit different? Doing ok with not-getting-things, not doing too well with going-deeper. Or at least that's the perception I have. A week or two ago something/a collection of things flung me back into an emotional flashback and I've been slowly getting out of it. Seems fine now, I'm not in distress, but I'm tired from it all and still a bit disconnected from really anything around me. So I took things a bit easier, slept more, binged some shows, watched some movies.

I didn't try to keep up with a daily sketchbook practice, going for something new instead to shake me out of this stagnation – making a big piece to learn inking with a dip pen. I did keep up with the Daily Stoic Journal, even though the prompts are really not speaking to me right now. Lots of talk of pursuing excellence, the sort of stuff that – while I understand is part of the stoic ethic – undermines self confidence in a very modern self-help-y way (if you're actually ok with yourself you're not going to buy into all the self-help industry has to offer). So things have been a bit of a struggle overall. But I'm optimistically chugging along.

I had a vague idea to do some tarot tags from youtube and instagram on here. Just to engage with my hobby in new ways, even if it's not serving to build community. Might be interesting to document some thoughts and be able to come back to them way down the line, see how they change, if at all. I like that, I feel that giving myself a whole new type of activity (writing out lengthy tag responses) will help with behaviors I want to avoid (so much tv...) It's a plan.