spirituality musings
I feel I've been doing really well in working at embodiment the last few months. I'm enjoying my time offline, even if sometimes I get lost inside a book instead of a youtube rabbit-hole – still a bit escapist but at least there's a story feeding my imagination. I've started enjoying “chores”, appreciating them as opportunities to do something different with my body, more ways to interact with the physical world.
I did notice I'm starting to lack in spirituality. Everything's so material and here and now, I've misplaced my magic filter, so to speak. Some seasons are more conducive to it than others, Autumn and Winter are my favorite, that's when the Dark Mother calls me the strongest, and I have many practices built around Her, so that feels “properly” religious. But I was wondering whether my spiritual practices and beliefs are just too fragmented to provide this... long term satisfaction I'm longing for. Or they can't be retrofitted into the physical if they don't arise from it in the first place? I'm not sure, I haven't examined it thoroughly yet. Sometimes my focus is on the Dark Mother, other times it's just the nebulous fire of life and magic, just that raw power. Other times it's the great consciousness of the universe. Other times again it's strictly ancestral spirits. (Now that I'm reading this back it all sounds very elemental...) I know enough to not force one thing over another, I need all these as that's just how I feel. I do wonder if I could be better at engaging with any one of those branches more consistently. Or unify them somehow under a bigger umbrella of spiritual practice.
Did a tarot reading to examine this subject in general and it seems to be calling me out for caring about appearances. Like someone's going to judge my nonsense practice, therefore of course I have to post about it publicly to show it who's boss. But maybe there's something to it – maybe I'm judging it as wrong somehow, and that's what's blocking me from fully engaging? I like the elements idea, maybe I could check in each morning as I unveil the altar/shrines – go through each of the elements/branches to see if any of them feel more powerful/needful that day? See if I could bring them along into my focus on the physical. That could be the mission for the rest of May, if I manage to remember.
Speaking of tarot readings I yet again got so super frustrated with all the non-substantial decks, I actually reached for my old, simple, plaid-back yellow-box RWS yesterday and it felt very nostalgic and nice, laying it out in the bedroom, under the fairy lights. I don't know, I feel decks nowadays don't really do symbolism well. Even when the concept is there, the execution is often very poor. Like in Ian Daniels' Vampyre deck – the book goes into all the detail of like... how many petals are on a flower, and what a dress means, there are so many “symbols” in each card, but none of them made visually apparent or distinctive. It all blends into one beautiful painting where everything is of the same (non-)importance. As troubling as the RWS is, at least the images are clear. And no, it wasn't my first deck, I resisted getting it for a long time, thinking of the unappealing art. But then I thought I should probably at least give it a try, see why it's become such a classic and I don't regret it. Yes, I put it away after a while, in search of something more exciting, but the more excitement I experience with new decks, the more I appreciate the not-so-flashy, sensible, reliable tool that is the RWS. Same for Thoth-based decks (just go with the Thoth), same for pips (can't go wrong with a classic TdM). This has, of course, been a grouchy rant, and I'll be back to New Deck Excitement next quarter haha!
Alright, the laptop's heating up quite dangerously and so I must go. Hope to remember about my spiritual plans tomorrow morning. Take care, all!