Hi I'm Zoey

I am at work and I don't know what to do with myself. I'm more social than ever, I want to interact with people rather than shy away and don't know what to say. I feel like I can talk, interact, have conversations. And my heart that was broken just 3 days earlier now feels like it's gotten bigger than before. There's this warm feeling throughout my chest that makes everything seem so nice and pleasant. Yeah, I don't see myself in the mirror anymore, I just see the shape of the girl I should be, but that's ok because I just need to work on me. And I know from a past life that if there's one thing I'm good at its working on myself.

Holy shit I'm a girl.

Holy shit I'M a GIRL.

I guess I have to talk about sex. I haven’t masturbated since Friday and I haven’t felt any need to either. I’ve never gone this long without masturbating in my whole life since I started doing it and honestly? I don’t miss it. Which I never, ever thought I’d say but there it is. I also don't want to Dom anyone at all now. I used to be very Dom with no sub tendencies but now it's completely reversed. In my defense even when I did Dom someone I always kind of thought they were having a better time of it than me. Further I like the looks of men far more than I ever have in my life. I was just settling in as bisexual before this happened with a femme bias but now I absolutely want a big hairy guy to hold me.

I spoke to some trans people very briefly about what happened and only had time to describe a few symptoms out of all of them. They included: I was very depressed; I don't recognize myself in the mirror anymore; and my appetite is nearly gone. They suggested those symptoms sounded like symptoms of disassociation. And yes in a vacuum I agree that those could be symptoms of something else and not necessarily trans. I told them more specifically how I felt, that I didn't recognize myself because I saw a girl there instead, and they backed down. They're good people and I hold nothing against them.

But it did make me think that maybe I was also disassociating at the Friday this all happened. And, of course, it did make me feel doubtful and shitty.