Hi I'm Zoey

So after feeling so super good about myself yesterday I decided it was time to order a pizza. That was also because my appetite has been so shot since I realized that I badly need as many calories as I can stomach (not a lot) and pizza is a good way to do it. So I order the pizza, go down to the pizza place, about to pay for it, and they say “Pizza’s ready in a few minutes man” and oh crap did that catch me off guard. Almost forgot I wasn’t online anymore and I’m still just in the body of this ugly man. Gotta admit that it hurt a lot more than I’d like. Letting my guard down like that, while the euphoria feels are incredibly when you’re in the right company, the crash is that much harder for it.

Oh crap oh sheesh I forgot to wash my face yesterday night and apply moisturizer oh noooo brb sorry diary you’re getting put on hold. Oh ok I showered and while I was at it I shaved my arm and the euphoria is immense. I will shave my whole body today I have determined. At least it’s still winter and cold so I have a reason to not show my body ever so nobody will think of it. Except when I’m inside with just a tshirt on my birthday party this time next week. That’ll be fun.

I’m about to come out to the trans girl I dated around half a year ago. It’s pretty exciting but I’m glad I waited. She’s not very leftist instead being fairly centrist in her politics which does bother me a bit not going to lie but at she doesn’t have really shitty opinions herself. She’s just too ok with people who do have really shitty opinions. And that’s the reason why I didn’t tell her or ask her for advice before I cracked. I just wasn’t sure how she’d react to me coming out before being as sure of myself as I am now.

Things went so much better than expected. We had a great time talking about transitioning and my new life as a girl, what to expect, what my immediate next things should be, dysphoria, and so on. I mean it was great to talk about it but fuck being in meatspace with people while I still have this body. The dysphoria was so bad and I mostly just froze up from it and couldn’t talk much. Luckily she’s good at talking and so I didn’t have to. Now the reality of what being a girl will entail as I go through life actually is and well. I can’t say I want the creeps constantly hitting on me, the chasers, the loss of a lot of privilege, but thankfully it’s not a choice I have to make if I want those or not. It’s an unchangeable part of me that I have to simply accept. But all the good stuff? God am I ready for it.