Dear Ancestry.com: Enough Already With the Happy Reunion Stories
We get it. Feel-good articles and commercials help you sell lots of consumer DNA kits (so do Black Friday deals). Of course, you don’t want to share how spitting into the tube can also upend a family or lead to the breakup of a marriage. Luckily for your bottom line, millions have embraced the “give the gift that brings families together” narrative before pausing to consider the potential consequences of sharing their DNA with you. But for every joyous discovery, consumers should be aware of potential outcomes that aren’t so wonderful. I figured someone should warn them for you. ## Real-Life DNA Surprises That Ancestry.com Won't Talk About: * A married man’s long-forgotten one-night stand produced a child that appeared 45 years later. One raised child embraced the half-sibling, another chose not to out of respect for his mother, while another ignored the situation entirely. A 50-year marriage and existing lifelong relationships hang in the balance from the fallout. * An anonymous sperm donor is found by one of his multiple offspring who believes she is just as much his daughter as the children he raised. She feels entitled to a position in his family after forming a brief, but warm, initial connection with her biological father. The family felt otherwise. * A birth mother who carried an unwanted pregnancy to term and chose a closed adoption is forced to relive the trauma of her rape and divulge a closely held secret to her family. Though her biological son respects her request for no further contact, he informs her he will pursue half-siblings and other genetic relatives with or without her blessing. * A man who discovered he wasn’t related to the dad who raised him embarked on a search for his biological father. That led him to the man who had an affair with his mother. In crafting his initial contact letter, the man stressed he was only interested in medical information. But as time went by, he decided he wanted more. After being initially welcomed by one half-sibling, his appearance led to conflict within the rest of the immediate family. They collectively decided not to pursue a relationship. He went on to contact extended relatives despite being made aware of an existing familial rift. * A man who raised sons is unprepared for the complex, overpowering feelings that resulted from the discovery of an adult biological daughter who had been relinquished for adoption. During reunion, both developed genetic sexual attraction, acted upon it and destroyed their marriages and families. * A couple who could never conceive was contacted by a 30-year-old divorced mother of four who matched with the husband as a parent-child relationship. She was upfront about her desire to build a father-daughter relationship, having been raised by a single mother. The husband instantly embraced the roles of father and grandfather instead of taking his time and ensuring his wife was on board and included in the process. The extended family rejoiced and failed to grasp the emotional complexity of the situation, leaving the wife to manage her feelings and new reality alone. There are variations of these stories unfolding everywhere, every day. Of course, you won’t see these stories in commercials because they won’t help sell DNA kits. ## Merry Christmas, from Ancestry.com Still feel like spitting in the tube? No? Well, here's the thing—it doesn’t matter. Because one of your relatives might. And if there’s a surprise or a skeleton lingering in your closet, it will come out. And if you bought a kit on Black Friday, it might arrive just in time for Christmas.