Have you ever wondered how different life would be if you had just changed one decision? I keep thinking back to 20 years ago, a time when I thought that doing what seemed to be the right thing was more important than doing what would make me happy. This case has to do with dating and marriage. I probably should have never started dating my wife. There was never any spark, any complete need or total satisfaction that brought us together. It was more a matter of convenience and possibly settlement. It's kind of a typical story, we met through a mutual friend but not with any intention to set us up. The fact that he is still surprised we ever dated, let alone got married should have been enough of a sign that this was probably not the right decision. Now don't get me wrong, through the years there have been plenty of good times, plenty of things that I would never change, including the 2 lives we brought into this world. But other than the kids, I could have had those same good times with a friend, not a wife. The last 2 decades have brought many new people into my life, and over that time I can think of several that I have an intense physical and mental attraction to, but only one that makes me feel that I have made a major mistake in marriage. Lets call her Lis. I met Lis about 2 years ago while subbing on a friends's volleyball team. Normally I would chalk up something like this to lust more than love, and lust is fleeting. Lust is typically based on physical appearance alone. It can disappear as soon as the next equally or more attractive person comes by. But it can't be lust. While Lis is physically attractive (at least to me), she wouldn't be generally considered gorgeous, not any prettier than half the people you pass on a normal day. Where Lis gets to me is more on a intellectual level. First and foremost, she is always smiling. She seems to always be happy in every situation I have ever seen her in. This is the complete opposite of who I am married to. My wife is always worried about something and usually nothing that any of us have any control over. She sees the negative in every situation, constantly waiting for the worst that could happen. It's gotten to a point where I avoid conversations with her, which should never happen with a life partner. Lis on the other hand only sees the good, only concentrates on the best that life can provide. She is always upbeat to a fault. Lis has invaded my every thought, and even though I am not with her, just knowing that eventually I will see her again drives me to be a better person in everything I do. These seem to be things that I should have naturally with my wife, but they have never been there. So where does this leave me, or any else in this situation. I'm 44, I feel like there is plenty of life left in me to allow more meaning in it. Should I follow my heart? Should I risk losing contentment to find something more? Should we settle for contentment? One choice lead me to where I am today, another choice keeps me here or alters my path completely. I guess the real question is if I never met Lis would I be in the same situation? If we took Lis completely out of the picture would I be considering ending a 2 decade relationship? What is happiness really worth?