Question 2: Would you like to be famous? In what way?
Based on how the relative invisibility of being a home-based freelancer has affected my self-esteem a little bit: I do think some attention would be nice.
If I think about this question logically, someone like me should be averse to fame. The spotlight would inevitably land on my faults and burn my sensitive skin. Invisibility should be a comfort — but it isn't. My brand of self-conscious leans a bit too far into conceited territory for total invisibility.
I care more about being actively liked than I let on. It's a fixation. Sometimes I feel like I'm performing this convenient character because it's the adaptation that won the popular vote. Casual affection is transactional; I can only acquire it after putting on a show.
Transactional isn't the only kind of affection out there, but I do think there's always going to be some measure of give-and-take. In any relationship, if one party isn't adding value, then aren't they just cargo?
When we throw away the measuring stick, go all in, and trust the other person is doing the same — that's probably love.
I don't want to be famous. I like how the idea of fame means having the affection of a big group. I think I just want to be liked strongly enough that people would be willing to take on my mean streaks, hypocrisy, long silences — and still choose to stay.
(But! If I'm going to achieve celebrity-fame for anything, I want it to be a result of having mastered something and earning respect for it. It's going to have something to do with stories, I just don't know what yet.)