Living in exile

Last Saturday, I was at the extension campus of our university giving the last lecture for the semester. The extension campus is about 30 km away from the main campus. The nice thing about the extension campus is that you can shut away the world for a moment. There is nothing much to do there, especially on a weekend, that you can concentrate on your research or perhaps your writing. In small doses, this may be a good thing. I wonder if the university can take advantage of this opportunity: sort of like a run-down Bellagio Center (look this up if interested). Another nice thing about the extension campus is the potential access to some of the older, rarer books in your area of research. A lot of rare proceedings and possibly some recent (but underutilized) books could be found in the archives. I interacted with the “librarian” in charge of the restricted collections and was able to access a database containing all of the O21 books (aka probability and statistics books).

The not-so-nice thing about going to the extension campus is the bus the university provides. I think that the university representatives feel that “we should be thanking them for even providing us with such a high-end service”. But during the first few times I used this bus service, we were always late to arrive in class. After four to five weeks of complaining (code-word 反映一下), the bus service is now split into two. One service takes care of passengers nearer to the main campus and another service takes care of passengers nearer to the extension campus. I also did the 反映一下 in a positive way: I thought that positive reinforcement should be practiced more in Chinese settings. I wonder if this practice will continue in the spring semester. If it does not, then 反映一下. The phrase 反映 is somewhat curious, especially the way it combines the two characters.

Another not-so-nice thing about going to the extension campus is the bus the university provides. Yes, you read that correctly. The passengers in said bus can be inconsiderate. You could adjust your seat so that you can lean and have a nap during the trip. But sometimes people (and these are teachers who should know better!) abruptly adjust the seat like their actions do not influence others. And when you react negatively, they look surprised like I am the new kid in town. An even more offensive thing is usually during the ride home, fellow passengers will play their cellphone extremely loudly (either by playing a video or playing music). Last week, I snapped. I shouted “你们是没有耳机吗？”. This means “Don't you have earphones?”. I was ignored by one of the two passengers. So, I snapped even further. I now approached this person, brought my own earphones, tapped his shoulder, and said, “你好，你有没有耳机吗？看，我这把借给你。” Meaning, “Hallo, do you or don't you have earphones? Look, I lend this one to you.” So he stopped. Can't believe that it worked. I was surprised myself. I actually wonder what I would have done if I was still ignored. I guess in a parallel universe, I would have ...

I will talk more about this extension campus at some other point, as it is a curious place and the related program that I am teaching for at that campus is weirdly implemented.

For now, let me end with a passage from The Book of Why, a treatise on causality for the lay audience, written by Judea Pearl and Dana Mackenzie. Incidentally, I am mentoring a statistics student who chose this book for us to read together roughly every week. In the book, there is a striking passage about the moral benefits of understanding causality:

“The advantage we gained from imagining counterfactuals is the same then as it is today: flexibility, the ability to reflect and improve on past actions, and perhaps even more significant, our willingness to take responsibility for past and current actions.”

I have not written my daily blog posts. The near-end of a semester is like a rabbit's hole to some extent. For some reason, distributing activities through proper planning, or if you wish, smoothing activities over an entire year is not standard operating procedure. I wonder why the administrative bodies have not considered the toll the lack of planning and foresight can impose on their constituents.

Do administrators act in a vacuum? Do they abstract away from the micro-level interactions of the people they serve? Or it is the case that we, low level people, are the ones who serve the administration?

These questions lead me to the topic of self-care. Although self-care is a buzzword nowadays, I wonder how it scales at an organizational level. A related activity meant to somehow “improve” self-care in organizations is the “organizational trip” that should, in principle, encourage team-building. I wonder what sort of locations or setups would be good for team-building. Ideally, there should be something for everybody, where some but not a lot of embarrassment could happen, where everyone could actually feel that they belong somehow, and where you could leave work behind.

Would eating at a high end restaurant achieve that (assuming there is funding)? Would going to karaoke work? Would traveling to a resort or some nature type place be worth it? Would creating a podcast foster that? How about a “bitch session”? Apologies for using the latter phrase, but “dick session” sounds more like a sausage fest and “bull session” conjures up the image of tourists taking pictures of the ball-fondling of the bull at Wall Street.

For now, I leave you with three very powerful sentences, uttered by Yulia O'Mahony at the Girton150 Festival, that resonated with me once I saw them:

Diversity is being invited to the party. Inclusion is being asked to dance. Belonging is being able to change the music.

I am typing this entry at the boarding gate. I missed posting a couple of entries, and I will compensate for that over the next few days. I must say there are just so many things that grab your attention. It is even more heightened once you are out of your usual environment.

Overall, the trip was short but fruitful. When I was dining alone, I had a spanakopita after about 4 years or so, a Greek style baklava for the first time (lacks the usual crisp and tastes a tad too sweet), some of those scarce Kalamata olives, a Lebanese koussa (stuffed zucchinis in tomato broth), grilled lamb sausages and a Lebanese baklava (which was cakier than expected). I also happened to spot a Syrian cafe and had their cashew baklava and a warbat. Quite a different set of taste from their counterparts. I really should start making these treats at home, but filo pastry seems an impossibility in China.

I was also very happy to have gone through the Melbourne suburbs, which are underrated relative to the CBD. I was able to grab some pomegranate molasses, sumac, and saffron from a local store. I was also able to visit some neat bookshops. Selections were just astounding and I wish I had more time to explore. Quite noticeable are the products that involve journals/diaries merged with artsy stuff or perhaps are related to cover page artwork of some novels. I guess publishing companies are either running out of ideas or are late to piggyback on the “searching the self” phenomenon of recent times. Gotta cash in on those Marie Kondo related money.

I think airports have given up on the incapacity of some Chinese passengers to queue up properly. It used to be that boarding was done by batches and zones to prevent aisle jams. But somehow this practice has disappeared. Sometimes I wonder if there is any value to nudging or even to correct behavior by force. I believe this is one of the most fundamental questions of the industrial/service age of humanity. It touches on all scientific fields even physics and philosophy.

With these, I end this entry with a nice album title from Sheena Easton. If you don't know her, you probably would have heard her songs Almost Over You or the Bond theme For Your Eyes Only. Her album name is called

Best Kept Secret

It is such a nicely constructed phrase. I hope you can think of phrases in the same spirit.

To me, the airport is a hotbed of frustration. You know you are getting screwed by the food prices and there is a tiny part of you that feels you are part of some amateur theater act.

At the border control, one of the foreigners in front of me was not made aware of the act of filling up a departure card. He was asked by the border control guard to return and queue after filling up the card. I could see the frustration on his face as he uttered, “For fuck's sake.” In that one moment as our eyes met, we had a common understanding. And that is why I keep a big stack of departure cards at home.

To be honest, I do feel for him. For some reason, the airport experience already sucks and the least airport management can do is to make sure that the “workflow” — from baggage checks to eventual ass-in-seat of the place — should be as considerate as possible. The airport is a big coordination problem waiting for an ingenious solution. The smallest mistake can piss someone off.

You might feel that I am making a big deal of a not-so-important situation. But I think the airport “workflow” is one of those security theater acts that have to be abolished soon. I have heard of a suggestion a long time ago as to how to make train rides less boring. The suggestion was to use the aisle of the train as a modeling ramp for upcoming and established models. It is a sexist solution but if everyone is paid their worth and respected properly, then this sexist solution might be viable. I wonder if the carbon footprint would be less in the aggregate.

I am starting to live a life without Google Play. It has been fun for the past four months but it is challenging at the beginning. But some apps that may be worth your consideration are F-Droid (a repository of apps with very informative warning messages), Newpipe (stream videos, and sometimes even save them locally, no annoying interruptions), OpenStreetMaps (works in China, but not as functional as Google Maps but at least it does not invade your privacy), Red Moon (a backlight dimmer), and AntennaPod (for all your podcasting needs). My next task is to live a life without WeChat. I have stopped using WeChat Pay because they keep on asking for verification of my identity, which is getting ridiculous. Funnily enough, I used WeChat Pay about one year after I moved to China. I carried cash, just like a dinosaur.

They say you get what you pay for. But in these modern times, I prefer the statement, “You receive what is someone is willing to take from you.”

With these, I leave you with an excerpt from an episode of the Big Bang Theory, called The Maternal Capacitance, back when it was still interesting. This is a line from a conversation between Leonard's mom and Sheldon.

Nothing's ever big enough. Except when they get a tumor, then you never hear the end of it.

Yesterday, my post was flagged as spam by this platform. I got in touch with technical support. They were nice enough to help out. At first, when my entry got flagged as spam, I was actually offended and not offended at the same time. I was offended because the “machine” could not distinguish between my writing and that of a bot. On the other hand, I was not offended because I am able to fool the “machine”.

Naturally, I wondered why my entry got flagged. Apparently, incorporating web links into your entry is a no-no. That is quite a hard-threshold spam filter which seems appropriate for this platform.

Today, I did a lot emailing and coordinating so that I do not have to be in two places at one time. It is difficult to do real coordination. There is a part of me that feels a degree of frustration, especially when things don't go the way they are supposed to, but I am actually good at it. I always feel that when organizing events, the smallest mistake could cost your everything. Soon, I will be leaving these tasks behind for other pursuits.

Chinese hotel rooms are curious places. They offer a standard room that has twin beds that are separate from each other yet have a see-through bathroom. Funnily enough, the blinds are outside of the bathroom! Why bother with this pretense?

I also helped a friend diagnose some problems with their Linux system. The Teamviewer app is quite convenient in allowing remote control of another person's computer. But can be a security risk if not used carefully. In fact, if you are using an Ubuntu-flavored distribution of Linux, then you need to deactivate ipv6 somehow to be able to connect to the remote computer.

Tonight I watched a couple of those old 80s-early 90s HK movies available with the TV subscription. One is called Forbidden City Cop with Stephen Chow, Carina Lau, and Carman Lee are the main actors/actresses. Another is called The Fun, The Luck & The Tycoon with Chow Yun-Fat, Sylvia Chang, and the band called Beyond. Both movies are good for playing in the background in case you get tired of music. Of course, it is always good to see slapstick humor from Chow, good chemistry between Lau and Chow, a younger Chow, and the graceful (even in a comedy) Chang. The latter film seems to be a vehicle for this band Beyond. I don't understand the point of having them, to be honest. If you are getting into some nostalgia binge and wanting some escape, these are probably good places to start.

Tonight, I had a Chinese-style pizza, at least based on the wrapper, that was quite good. I bought it at the street vendor opposite the Xiang'an campus. Had a conversation about pork prices with the lady vendor. She said, roughly translated, “Don't worry about the sausage. We in the business will not do anything bad with the product.” I left wondering if I should believe her or not. I still fucking ate the Chinese-style pizza.

This whole entry had 666 words, including this sentence and the bottom parts.

With these, I end my entry with some words from a web TV series from the early 2010s called The Booth at the End. I encourage all of you to watch it. Its cast contains all of the character actors that are in the background of some of the more popular TV shows. Here is the situation where the quote arises. A nun, named Sister Carmel, wants to be able to listen to God again. So she strikes a Faustian covenant with a mysterious person called The Man. They meet regularly at some diner so that Sister Carmel could narrate the details related to the task The Man has assigned the Sister so that once the task is complete, she will be able to hear God again.

Sister Carmel: Do you believe in God? The Man: I believe in the details.

Yesterday's entry was blocked by the platform. I will talk more about this in another entry. Here is yesterday's intended entry.

I will be flying to Melbourne on Sunday and I have spent today readying my stuff for the upcoming trip. Regrettably, it will be a short trip. I think the flight time is roughly equal to the time spent in the workshop. I should have not used my research funds for this trip so that I can stay a tad longer. I am sure my colleagues would ask me to just get an invitation letter with a longer period of stay. But the situation is a little bit more complicated and bureaucracy frowns upon special cases.

Funnily enough, the last time I was in Melbourne four years ago, I was also in a rush. The only difference is that my purchasing power is much smaller. Because the trip is quite short, it is hard to squeeze in some time to look around and enjoy some of that purchasing power. So I have already drafted an itinerary that will allow me to explore the most crucial places and locales first and then leave the rest for another lifetime. Just like a dinosaur, I kept my itinerary in 4x6 index cards. Highlights are Mediterranean cuisine, spice shopping, and some bookshop browsing. The only Chinese food I will eat is the food served during the workshop dinner.

Yesterday, I spent about 8 hours editing a draft of some documentation that would become the basis of an R package my co-authors and I are planning to put up on CRAN. I hope it would be useful to many people but software writing is partly a labor of love — one that is not recognized very well in our current incentive frameworks.

No music is playing while I am writing this entry. But I can tell you what's on my table. There is a 19.5” monitor with an EasyRead feature (screen looks like eInk), a pair of wireless headphones, a phone, pens, IDs, keys, user manual for an electric radiator (apparently, you should not use it to dry your laundry!), some cash, a bottle of Lea & Perrins Worcestershire Sauce, a battery that I should throw away, chalk (??), nailcutter, and earwax remover. What an eclectic mix of items!

Today, I also went to this WRDS/Compustat seminar. I am glad that the representatives spoke in English. I was expecting Chinese and I am just going to try my luck and see if I understand what the talks are going to be about. These representatives noticed that there were international students. I was pleasantly surprised. And we all live for that pleasant surprise. I asked a couple of questions and received a pen, a mobile pocket cleaner, and a mousepad (!!). I said to the reps, “Haven't seen one of these in a long time.” Of course, we had the customary exchange of calling cards. I learned the technique of giving my card and receiving the other person's card with two hands simultaneously!

There were still other activities during the day that drained me. Now, I am very exhausted. In the past, I would have been sipping a small amount of whiskey by now.

With these, let me end my entry with something from Geert Molenberghs' interview at Chance Vol 30 No 1. He is one of the key people in modeling longitudinal data and has a very different style compared to the fixed-effects stuff in panel data econometrics. In partial response to the questions, “Are there people or events that have been influential in your career? Who have been your mentors? Is there something in particular they did to help you?”

Perhaps it is fair to say that “we are who we encounter and work with.”

I am writing a blog entry after about 5 or more years. I will try to write daily. I need a break from editing co-authored work, tending to the farm, thinking in the Chinese language, and doing life admin.

Writing a blog is a different feeling compared to writing research papers that only a handful will read. I am not sure what would be in this blog. Perhaps I needed a “dump” for all the thoughts scattered in my brain. After 5 or more years, I really need a “dump” (pun intended) to make space.

One reason to blog is to curate. Curating is a tough job without a proper outlet for organization. With curating comes endless maintenance. With endless maintenance comes loss of attention spans. Does curating undo itself somehow?

Another reason to blog is to get things across to the unknown. It is like sending a transmission to aliens in outer space, if they exist and have the facility to listen. People try to conserve attention, or should I say react to attention conservation, by hard-threshold filtering.

I am writing this entry while listening to a functioning (as in can be listened to in China) online radio station from New Zealand playing the “Easy 80s”. From this point on, we have (I will stop when an artist gets repeated),

Barry Manilow – I Made it Through the Rain Madonna – Cherish* Jeffrey Osborne – On the Wings of Love Chicago – Love Me Tomorrow Whitney Houston – Saving All My Love for You (listen to the lyrics a bit more carefully, not as innocent as you may think; and no, nothing sexually explicit) Dan Fogelberg – Longer Doobie Brothers – Real Love (for such an upbeat song, this song is quite sad) Cher – We All Sleep Alone The Pointer Sisters – He's So Shy* Johnny Hates Jazz – Turn Back the Clock* Icehouse – Crazy Roxy Music – Jealous Guy (a cover of John Lennon) Exposé – Seasons Change* Tina Turner – What's Love Got To Do With It?* Glenn Frey – True Love Cher – I Found Someone

Whew, done with data gathering as Cher has repeated. Perhaps you can use the songs in a set list? If you are feeling sappy, the list seems to be appropriate. Outside of that mood, I would recommend the *-ed songs.

The blogging platform I am using is called write.as. It is very minimalist. It is a far cry from the mess that is WordPress, and a nice reprieve from the adaptability of ghost.io. I am quite happy that I supported the latter platform financially and it houses my academic website. I wonder how long I can sustain this new blogging effort. I learned after many years to not be too ambitious. They say that ambition is the enemy of success. Maybe I will do something modest and see how it goes.

To end this entry, I leave you a final thought from Marc Almond (a very underrated musician, https://48hills.org/2019/10/marc-almond-speaks/ ):

Culture, politics, and personal life are very different beasts. You can’t make a change by staying behind closed doors.