Living in exile

Two months have passed since my last entry. I could not blog very well because all I can release in writing would be anger. I have to find a productive way to process this anger without lashing out too much, especially to people whose lives I really could not possibly know much about. I poured it back into doing as good a work as possible. I was not successful in all cases and I made mistakes along the way.

Today, I have a “reasonable” amount of freedom from everything school related. I could not avoid school completely, since I had to submit grades after quite some deliberation over the past days, set up a planning workshop, and had to answer questions from emails. So these small things were interspersed with a slight headache and an attempt at organizing the files in my computer (once and for all).

I have the following top-level file structure: Admin, Clearinghouse, Pastoral Care, Personal, Research, Teaching, To trash or not to trash, and a text file called file-naming-conventions. The deeper directory structure would be for another day. For now, I am doing a top level sorting. Going through files makes you feel nostalgic. It makes you feel that you may have ignored some things. I saw scans of handwritten edits I have made for my master's students, application files of some master's students, scathing book reviews, awful PPTs I have made, my one-way flight ticket to China from Europe, recommendation letters I have written, a lot of ambitious looking writings, pictures and screenshots, and many more.

Looking back, especially at those ambitious looking writings, reinforces something I heard from Barney Stinson (How I Met Your Mother, back when it was a novel dataset) — Ambition is the enemy of success.

I also spent some time finally opening the CDs I bought from our trip to Europe last January. I opened some after five months. Five months! Listened to some of the CDs and I really missed liner notes.

Today I listened to half of Lorde's Melodrama, . Lorde's Melodrama CD liner notes have lyrics, quite nice paintings and shots of Lorde, and some nicely written acknowledgements (“I'm in bed writing this. As I often am. The rain is coming down. Melodrama is finished and by the time you read this, it won't be mine anymore, but yours. It's been two year of breathlessness and hunger — a new sound, a new scene; a drink, a drumbeat. I swallowed and wrote and walked and waited. I hope you listen for every breath and broken heartstring.”). I really liked Homemade Dynamite and The Louvre.

Next, I listened to Jean-Yves Thibaudet's The Magic of Satie. It contains never before recorded pieces by Satie. Of course, Gymnopedie No. 1 should not be skipped. This piece would be one of my tracks to bring on a desert island so that I can sleep well. One set of tracks that intrigued me was Sonatine bureaucratique. At first, I thought, finally some pieces for admin work. The opening track was no quite what I expected. I probably was expecting a Satie-ized version of Ein Deutsches Requiem. Did not finish all tracks. But will be revisiting soon.

Next, I moved to Duke Ellington's Far East Suite. I bought the album mainly for one track: Isfahan. It is unlikely I would ever visit Isfahan in my lifetime but the music that I associate with it would probably be better than the real thing. A beautiful song and would be a close substitute for my desert island track to replace Gymnopedie No. 1. The liner notes here are quite important as they provide some background. Apparently, the US State Department sponsored a 1963 world tour of Duke Ellington's orchestra. It had to be cut short because Kennedy (who is not exactly the best role model) was assassinated somewhere else while the tour was taking place. There was a remark in the notes stating Ellington's thoughts on Japan, “... they have an ability there to do some things better than the originals.”

Before I opened another CD, I played another CD I bought here in China. This was the Pandemonium Live Tour CD by the Pet Shop Boys (宠物店男孩，五光十色，世界巡回演唱会实况). This CD was printed and made locally by someone called 黄伟菁. Quite an interesting set of Chinese labels from a 10 year old product. Things must have been very different back then. I am not sure why they chose 五光十色 as the name, but I personally know from having watched the tour 11 years ago that the stage was extremely colorful and well designed. While listening to the CD and looking at the CD, I was brought back to how I caught this concert.

I was about to finish the Fall semester for my master's studies in Paris. I was only able to get tickets for the concert in Antwerp, Belgium. I think I bought it around November or so at FNAC (you got to learn French words like acheter, billet, Anvers (French for Antwerp), and other connectives). I also bought a Thalys ticket and it was going to be my first time taking this train. It was also winter around that time and I think the train was delayed for about 53 minutes or so. I am precise here because I could not get a 50% refund for the delay because it was not a one hour delay. Boo! Fucking boo!

The funny thing about this concert was that the next day I have to get back to Paris in the afternoon to take a real analysis exam. I was able to get back on time. I spent most of the time in the hostel of the Jewish quarter of Antwerp, studying for the exam just like nerds do. Of course, I went to the zoo which is just by the train station. But aside from that, I only went to the Sportpaleis for the concert. It was a beautifully made concert, though it somehow felt strange to be at the front alone. Ultimately it was enjoyable and I also recorded the concert (back when digital cameras were still a thing). Funnily enough, I think I was the only Asian in the village at that time. It must have felt strange for everyone else.

Listening to the CD brought me back to this time, while sorting through the files. All the tracks are good but this is a fan speaking. Tracks that I would recommend on the CD are the mashups. These are: More than a dream/Heart (超越梦想/心跳), Pandemonium/Can you forgive her? (五光十色/能原谅她吗?), Closer to Heaven/Left to my own devices (靠近天堂/自行其是), Se a vida e/Discoteca/Domino Dancing/Viva la vida (这就是生活/迪厅/骨牌游戏/生命万岁).

The next CD I opened was Sunday at the Village Vanguard with the Bill Evans Trio. I could only get a hold of an abriged version of the tour. There is a longer version which I could not find in record stores. Yes, I actually go to record stores to buy stuff. This was a good CD that should be listened repeatedly at different points in a day. Currently, I am listening to another Bill Evans CD Live at the Montreux Jazz Festival (Made and printed in West Germany, 1968). A curious composition is one called A Sleeping Bee (by Harold Arlen and Truman Capote!)

Whew, this entry went into all music mode. I probably would return next time with some other topics that are in my head waiting to be released. As of this moment, I am still not finished sorting my files. There are just so many PDFs.