Atheists believe it is more difficult for them to cope with grief after the loss of a loved one because they do not believe in an afterlife. What an unusual juxtaposition to begin that sentence with. Atheists believe. Because, by definition, an atheist does not believe in God. What I do know is that I spent ten years in disbelief as an atheist. Most of the time that lack of belief never mattered as I continued to make choices just as I would of I had remained a Christian. There were some instances where I could write off my manic behaviors because I dissociated them with morality altogether. It wasn't until my late twenties did I start listening to Christian music and pivoted my incredulous behavior towards a less chaotic resonance.

This was a choice I made and continue to make daily. Therefore, it can be argued that it is more difficult for a man or woman of faith, would struggle more while grieving because of how frail that connection is. Justifying God's existence is not the point of this entry. But I will say that since my cousin's passing last Friday I have undoubtedly questioned my faith over and over again over the last few days. But it is still a choice I continue to make, regardless of my atheist tendencies to disregard faith based on facts, every day. I will say this, there is comfort in absolutes. I'll never find solace because I'll always have a small part of me that doubts.