One of the few opportunities I get to be almost completely alone are the three days out of the week my daughters attend math tutoring for an hour. I am probably a more obsessive advocate for their academics than I should be (most moms are) but I cannot stress enough how important math will always be for them in and out of the classroom. So I bring them, as it forces me out of the house as well since I work from home and rarely leave. So I sit in my favorite little independently owned coffee shop with my laptop and books and soak up the hour like vitamin D in the sunlight (something I also need more of apparently). Not because I don't love being with my children, that makes me sound awful. But because for about an hour I can be alone in my thoughts three times a week, and not all moms out there get that small pleasure.
So now my psychiatrist and my psychologist have different opinions about my next move. One would rather I start outpatient care immediately and the other prescribed me my seventh psych med to add to the current collection I already take. His thought process is if I could just get better quality sleep and more of it my other symptoms will subside and be easier to maintain. So I am torn.
To anyone who has ever been through the labyrinth that is mental healthcare you understand how much effort goes into treatment. First, you have to referred by a primary care doctor who knows nothing in particular about mental illness and therefore writes you off to a therapist. If the therapist (usually after multiple sessions) feels you need medication management then you are waitlisted (that is not meant figuratively as it can take months) to be drafted to a psychiatrist. Now psychiatrists, god love them, are not very conversational. These are not who you picture when you think long couch, notepad, incessant nodding. The visits I have usually are less that ten minutes and can be monthly to every three months depending on how well you're coping to the medication they prescribe. Then let's not forget about the therapists where it all started. You'll still see them occasionally. If you are really lucky maybe even get referred to group therapy.
The real heroes though are the psychologists. These brave souls are who you unleash your heart and soul to. They know you well and the great ones remember all the little details that surround your diagnosis. They do not however diagnose you. That's back to the psychiatrist. Now, don't get me wrong they're not bad doctors not in the slightest. They just want to get straight to the point of the problem. We are math equations to them. Science projects that they have to be able to separate themselves from when they turn the light off in the lab at the end of the day. I cannot imagine how many patients they lose or will lose to the cancerous thief that is depression. So I don't blame them. As a matter of fact I feel sorry for them all. So many people that need help, and not enough able to provide it.
So I bring my girls to an hour of math tutoring thrice a week. Because math.