My Stable of Angsty Men
In my head there is a sort of catalogue of the men I have met over the last few years as I experimented first with affairs, and subsequently, an open relationship. Not big and flashy like an Ikea catalogue, more like your local hardware store flyer- New This Week! Brad! He like’s condoms!
There is within that collection, a subsection that I now call My Stable of Angsty Men. I am betting I am not the only woman who has this stable, but sometimes I do wonder. The stable is made up of men who usually follow a similar pattern, they pursue me, often rigorously, then when I turn towards them they panic, and run to the back of the barn. They often don’t actually leave the barn, or head to pasture if you will, they prefer to stay back there, sometimes brooding, sometimes genial, almost always creating angst.
I have spent many hours wondering what it is I do or don’t do that has led me to amass this collection. Is this a type of men who are attracted to me? Or am I somehow dysfunctional in my own way so as to create them? I can understand that perhaps, when confronted with the full force of me, for many a men that could be panic inducing. I think, for some of them, perhaps the pursuit may be the fun of it, and maybe they do not even know they are that way. For several, it is probably the confrontation of guilt regarding their own worlds, not being able to cross the threshold.
The thing that I do know is that with the angsty men, who often do not go away, there is often some element of feeling. They are almost always the ones I miss the most, all the more harder as they rarely ever leave. They just sit in their back stall, chewing the hay, popping their heads over the door every once in a while to see if I will still rub their noses or give them some sugar cubes.
I know, this all got very horsey fast, my apologies. You saw the title, it was bound to happen.
Also, I have come to realize that they almost never see themselves as the angsty men. They would universally decry my description- that’s not me! Let me be clear, it is you. If you are a man who is unsure, here is a checklist:
1) Have you pursued a woman relentlessly only to change your mind when she engaged? Or after you had sex? 2) Do you have women that you keep available for casual flirtation and occasional suggestions of more but not act on it? 3) Do you have a lot of female friends who, to your surprise, became attached to you romantically?
I know this lacks the validity and rigorous scientific testing of say a Cosmo quiz, but I would venture a guess that two out of three means that for sure you are in someone’s angsty men stable. It’s ok, the first step is admitting it… the second step is figuring out whether you really want to be in the barn at all.
Personally, I have grown attached to my angsty man stable, of course, so I guess I will just keep leaving the hay out for them...