Title: Being Ashley

Scene start; I am inside the cab of a pick-up truck, on a gravel road staring at a sea of sunflowers, my partner in this truck is very vigorously engaging my clit is some very stimulating action, and though I am impressed with his enthusiasm I am distracted by the spectre of being caught out by a grain truck or local family, and I am reflecting on how I find myself, at the present moment, in this rather compromising position.

There was a time, early in life when I bought the fantasy. When I believed one day some guy was going to show up and make me forget everything I ever knew, he would complete me. I believed everything our fucked up society has socialized us to believe about love and monogamy. I also believed once that I may never have that because I existed slightly outside of the standard deviation of normal. A little too thick; a little too loud; a little too bossy; just a little too much.

So when men loved me, or suggested they did, I was grateful at first. I thought maybe I had tricked them somehow, and my job was to keep them hoodwinked so they didn’t figure out that I was… what? Loud? Anxious? Chubby? Broken? I once described myself as like the Colorado River, purposely ravaged by years of drought, so that when it is seasonally flooded it cannot ever absorb enough to salve its cracked dry river bed. And so when I realized the tides had turned and now I seemed to have an endless supply of water, I became insatiable.

I love sex. I love men. I love everything that comes with the wanting and desire of seduction. I am driven to distraction by it. I am wanton. Hence, my current situation, and the focus of this blog, my foray into love, affairs, open relationships, and all the good things, and the bad things, sex can be.

If you caught the last reference you may deduce I am a child of the eighties and nineties, currently early forties, and possibly soundly in mid-life crisis. Well into my second marriage and trying to avoid a third at all costs. This blog will be authored by me, along with three other people, because we thought it might be fun to tell this story from many perspectives. So, though I will ask the other characters to introduce themselves as we go: here is the index:

A: (Me- already explained)

B: My childhood best friend

C: My adulthood best friend

D: My first affair partner

We all very much look forward to exploring my at times deep psychological distress, profound sexual desire, and our collective opinions of the modern state of love and marriage in this public venue. Also, we hope you will in particular enjoy the very amusing calamity that ensues when you are having secret sex online and in cars and often public places… I have learned that police in general frown on this type of behavior and seem hell bent on making sure I never get off.

Let us begin.