NIKE the shit out of it

According to, I haven't published a song since July. That's a drought. I actually have written a few songs since then, ones that were mostly finished. That includes the sweet, completely finished song I wrote for Abby for our anniversary, which might never get a proper recording (though I probably owe her one).

All these other songs, though, I haven't gone through the process to actually clean them all up, mix them, add missing instruments and all that. It just seems like a lot of work without a lot of payoff. Of course, the payoff might be that I don't end up writing remorseful blog posts like this one.

I feel like I've lost a sense of wonder in my songwriting process. I'm either going at it with feverish diligence and follow through because I feel like I have to, I have to do it to make myself complete. Either that or I'm just “messing around”, indulging in “letting myself play” but ending up with listless, half-complete junk because I'm not forcing myself to write coherently.

I could resolve now to challenge myself, to push my comfort zone and write something that moves my song writing forward. I want to issue myself such a challenge. And I'm not reluctant to do so because I feel I will fail, necessarily. I think I could definitely do it.

The real reluctance comes from the fact that I think I'm stagnating for another reason. I've developed the basic facets of songwriting to a certain degree. I can write songs. I can write songs where I write all of the instrumental parts, the arrangement, the mix, etc. But it's exhausting friend. It really is.

I want to collaborate. I want to come up with a strong, driving chorus with no consideration for how it will fit into a song, and have another real breathing person help me figure out an intro and verse that will work with it into a finished song. I want to play with a band, where the drum feel and groove drive the composition of the guitar and bass parts, rather than playing guitar parts, adding bass later, and always just having a drum machine on repeat for the whole song.

Sigh. It's not going to happen. I feel like I'm some kind of musical incel, where I'll never find anyone to collaborate with. I don't know where to look, where to start. I've had very very limited success with collaborating over the internet, so I know that I need to find someone who I can sit in a room with and write with. But it's just as awkward as dating, except even more niche. I don't know where to start.

That songwriting challenge is looking more appealing. I might need to just NIKE the shit out of some songwriting (just do it).