3 days sneakily passed me by. I'd say drifted, except that stating same would deny the evolving train-wreck that now characterizes my present life. My mornings begin entirely unaturally, with a thundering, full-blown panic attack, from the second that I open my eyes, with me immediately realizing that my new day now beckons. Rather than relaxing and imagining coffee (which I don't drink anyway), I call a DA's office. I recognize the person who's taking my call, today, but they aren't authorized enough for who I'm looking for. Next, I call the Criminal Court, with case reference close by. Court minutes allude to a procedural presentation of adversarial-style facts, but purposefully blank out any colorful, speculative f**kery. Most everything can't be answered, today. Hypothetically speaking, works. Up to a point. Still, I'm exercising my right to ask for information. It's just not enough. Justice frequently, wrongfully infers some emphatic sense of closure. Begs for a nonexistent peace. Next, I mull these, latest, legal developments over, while also completing a sequence of my daily repetitive, household tasks. Coincidentally, they are also my 'homework' for my Speech, Language, and Cognitive Therapy. Pattern recognition. Consistent adherence to sequences. Attention to multiple, otherwise seemingly small details. Repetition. Recall. Rewind. Rinse. Repeat. Redux. After that, Physical Therapy. Rep after rep. An old knee injury flare up presents new pain limitations. If I had my personal preference, I'd be back on a treadmill as much as possible at the moment. Because...access.
Clinically, on my future docket, there's an MRI scan of my head and neck, yet more bloodwork, and then a follow up appointment with my brain injury specialist. Acquainted myself with dismantling my rollator and shipping both it and myself simultaneously up and down a steep flight of stairs. That medical machinery has a bit of awkwardness to it's mechanics. Tight, but that's due to it being new, is all. Not especially heavy. I was gonna bust out of the house like a bandit with it in tow, tonight, but a friend offered me a ride to town at the last minute, and my ass has gotten overly lazy, lately. Besides, today definitely wasn't a day intended for random explorations of my neighborhood. If I seem lethargic and indifferent to my having to do all of these ADL's (Activities of Daily Living), it's likely because I am. I have an appetite, so I eat, and then I drift alternately somewhere on a continuum of intense nausea, and then just randomly puking up bile. Similar situation with my disrupted internal temperature control since my TBI.
No, really, this half of a week, has proven itself beyond all reasonable self doubt to be quite the memorable month, already. It's been asked, and hopefully my Case Manager RN will bring and administer The Vaccine to me. In my new housing. I'm now existing in isolation anyway. Formally, witness relocation. Formerly, another anonymous nobody. There's (still) my neighbors for company. Sort of. Like the delightful downstairs tenant who 'thought' that trying my front door and then breaking the glass of their own ranch-slider front door was an excellent solution to them “losing their keys” at 2 in the a.m. and the perfectly logical alternative to them actually calling someone. Uh-huh.