Killing the loser in me

Sixth day

Quick update:

  • I asked to 5 girls the time
  • I asked to 3 girls my direction
  • I got 1 phone number on OLD

I feel really confident. Need to explore new things tomorrow.

Fifth day.

I didn't do the challenge I gave to myself yesterday. Today was a basic WFH day. I just went to the hairdresser where I tried to feel comfortable with a guy that definitely was better than me in this game. Tonight, I grabbed a drink with a friend but that's all. I didn't go to the event made by my componay because there is too much people there.

But afterall, I have to relax and take more times about I want to do: getting more comfortable socially and getting girls.

Tomorrow, I just want something simpler: let's ask to 5 girls the time.

Fourth day.

Well, basically, this day was pretty weird. The office where I work was full of new people. So far, I had two good convo. They others were “hey” only. So I was wondering if that was normal or not. Did I tell that I wasn't comfortable socially?

Tonight, I want give a challenge to myself: since I'll work from home tomorrow, I will force myself to go out just to talk to people. The spectrum will be between “hey, what time is it?” to “hey, how are you?”. I already feel anxiety. But the good thing is I'm not going to die if some people ghost me. I'm excited overall.

I also wanted to tell you that I started a new nofap session. What is nofap? It's just not masturbating at all. It gives you more power through the day and better minds, a better confidence, more testosterone... the best of yourself actually. I'm on my second day.

Third day.

I feel better with myself. Before I had always the need to get approvals with eye contacts from girls. And if they didn't give me back that contact, I felt bad.

What happened today? I asked two hot girls on the street for directions. I was a little bit confiusing in my words. English isn't my mother tongue. But I showed them that I was confident and they answered me with a great smiles and they were really kind. Before saying bye, the second one, a blonde girl with blue eyes gave me a really long eye contact. I was happy with that.

Later in the day, I came to the terrace of a cafe and I read a book there. I saw a cute girl with a friend at another table and I was wondering in my minds if I should came to her to ask her phone number. I was like “I shouldn't bother them”. But definitely, the next time, I should give it a try and see how people react.

I have to work on two things:

  • to be more spontaneous
  • to change my thought process when I thought “maybe I'll bother the girl”

First day in with a new way of thinking. It has been busy with my moving to another accomodation in the same city but basically it was good.

I asked to a girl where a specific neighborhood is. She was nice and answer with a great smile. Don't know yet if that's an indicator of interest.

In the night, I went ou with a friend and we went to a rooftop near my new place. We grabbed a drink and after that we went to the dance floor for a few minutes. I wasn't really comfortable there. Nightclubs are not my best places. So I have to work on it. When I came back to my home, I read some blogs about guys going out alone in nightclub. Since that rooftop is at 3 minutes, I can challenge myself to go there and have fun alone (and by meeting new people there).

The best mindset I can have here is that I should consider it as a game. All that shit is a game and you know, probably, I'll know some situations where I'll feel uncomfortable because of how people react. But definitely, with that in mind, I should really grow up. After all, that the purpose of this new blog: getting a better self-confidence and having fun.

Hello there. I am 26 years old, I am a software engineer who works in a software company. I am what people call a ”loser”. I am not charismatic, I did not have so much girls in my life. I am not so handsome. I have social anxiety. And finally, I don’t have any serious friends.

I ended my firt and last serious relationship because she cheated on me at the beginning of January. She did that out fo the blue. Because she has an avoidant attachment pattern because of her toxic family where she grew up. Nevermind, it doesn’t excuse her behaviour. I had a terrible month where we (I ?) tried to rekindle. But it didn’t work for me and I told her that I wanted to set more distance between us. She got mad and for 2 months now, we are in no contact.

During these two months, I found a job in a tech company as a software engineer, I moved from France to Portugal and I did sports 4 days a week, I met tons of new people, I’ve reconsidered my friendships, I started a therapy and I’ve read books on relationships and psychology. It was really intense and I’m proud of myself.

But day by day, I have that moments where I feel sad. I really tried to work on myself but something is still wrong with me. I want to meet more girls than before. I am in the age range where I’m supposed to have great sexual experiences and to build my emotional pattern by getting relationships.

So for my own health, I decided to start my own program to kill my inner loser. Everyday, I will log what I achieved to kill my social anxiety and to get more girls than before. It will be a very long trip but I’m sure it will be the best one in my life.