Journal #13: Familiarity breeds Contempt

There's only two things I consistently ask in a relationship: Respect and Affection.

We agreed to go to some place far from our usual locations to meet with his friends. Quite frankly, I'm driving because of various reasons other than I love spending time with him, few of which are:

He does have a car, and can drive. He's the one actually that drove on our first date. Thing is, I'm doing so recently because it would've helped him solve 2 things, save money for him regarding gas and transpiration, be able to relax.

There's always a good and a bad way to execute something. If you don't like someone's driving, you could either really make him feel like shit or tell them they can do better, same with trying to communicate a thought, you can either say get better at understanding, or you're dumb as shit.

When you respect someone there's a high chance you're not going to choose the latter option, you would always seek to improve them, be constructive and provide encouraging feedback. I know I have my shortcomings, that's given, there's always two to tango unless the other one just has mental health or issues but I do know there's most if not all of the time always a better way to deliver an idea.

If you're going to make me feel like shit while doing you a favor, well guess what? It's not going to end well for the both of us. I'm not going to the extent of making you go down in the middle of the highway, but don't expect me to be kind in return. If you're going to talk shit, well expect to be treated like shit. I was nice to you, asking you to rest because of your headache, but you rather chose to tinker with your phone, complain, tell stories while having major impatience.

I could've opted not to reply knowing your status but that would be very disrespectful of me not to honor your effort, but if you're going to be very illiterate with your message and blame the misunderstanding from me, well, that's just plain rude.

Of all the things that my sudden shift in mood from being your boyfriend to just a really pissed Uber driver, I really hope you noticed your failure as my partner in trying to be more aware that it's not a necessity for me to attend to your friends with you. I drive out of the knowledge knowing you'd be happy in spending time with them, but it seems like you forgot who's driving you, you became too ignorant to notice: I am not your family, I am not used to your ability to be an ass and not care. That is not a relationship, if you just want everything to be only about your good, don't ask to be in my future, I don't need that kind of people in my life, I can make do without them.

I hope you think it through, that in the end, I will be the one that's going to surely make an effort for you, go lengths to make sure you are well. Yes, you had more experiences with your friends in history, but they will have other priorities as we grow older, you on the other hand will always be on top of mine. I have dropped everything to be with you and still will when you need me.

We are in a state of you losing me, someone who happily drives for you, someone who brings you snack to make you feel better, someone who's happy with your presence, your being. Someone who cherishes your looks, your voice and your laughter, someone who gains happiness by seeing you eat and making sure you get a good experience when you're on your low. But most of all, someone who considers you as his future. You're sacrificing all of this, not because you're not returning the favor, but you're treating me as if you deserve all of this, as if it was supposed to be given to you by the world and I'm just a messenger to deliver your dues. I don't love you because of my need, I love you because I've decided to.

You're losing the man who's building up for our dreams only to covet your selfish pleasure of “feeling good”

I'm tired, extremely tired. I mentioned that if there's anytime I need for you to care, it's now. I've told you I'm at a point of giving up and still you continue to forget what I am in your life, I'm not a tool.