Calvin Diaries

Hey guys, it's been awhile since my last journal. I guess this have gotten out of hand and I forgot to treasure this habit of writing to get things off my chest.

You know, it's amazing how sacrificing a few minutes gives you so much productivity because your get your cup empty to start the day. I missed this, I miss putting all my problems and emotions into letters and spaces then letting them go, it helps. Please don't downplay the things you write here, let them loose, leave them to the wind, let us read all your hurts and worries and let the universe solve them for you.

So yeah, I'm getting back to this once more and recycling my ritual of journal, meditation and standard wake up time because it helps to have a system for life and a discipline for progress.

I've always known that I've strayed far, it's just that it's harder to accept that you need it when you can live without it. When I remember all the good days I had because of letting you read what I wrote, it's different though, in the aspect of optimization, it's the smaller things that are hardest to improve and the biggest challenges to solve. I know I'd probably backslide once more, but for today, I move forward.

For those that maybe curious how my relationship is going, it's pretty ok. I can't say it's ground breaking, or we're better than ever but we're definitely surviving this phase. Ironically I think it's the Japan trips I've paid for that binds us since he really wanted to go there. As for me? If he breaks, I can break. I know it will hurt but I can confidently say I'm not as attached and know I can set myself out there once again.

Business hasn't been the best, we've got damage financially from the recent probing we had by an organization but so far based from my inquires we'd still live to serve another day.

Things are pilling up for me, there's work that I need to finish that's weeks delayed, I need to step up my game and that's why I'm writing this to you. Help me recover my sense of control in my life, because it feels like I'm losing my grasp.