Journal #16: The Threshold for Love

Last night, against our usual way of ending which are phrases of: “good night” and “love you”, he missed the more important one, the second or the latter which is my more favored phrase above all when coming from him.

The thing is, this is a ritual or what should've been a standard already every night between us. I'm 100% sure he wasnt exhausted from work to forget such matters I hold dear, he was even able to see his favorite series. Which leads me to my main point of this journal:

Does he really love me?

I'm not an expert on relationships since this is my first but I do know its not hard to take note on matters that are important to your loved one. I have never lacked emphasizing that my love language is words affirmation and that it really helps me to be appreciated, but this guy THIS GUY absolutely does nothing to help me stay. It seems as if I was something he deserves or a hired butler to fulfill matters when he wants it, and forget about me when it's comfortable. All he seem to care and be aware about is his fulfillment and himself alone. “I wasn't raised that way” is not a valid excuse to be lazy about what's necessary.

I dont think I've lacked in tying to work on all love languages. * I drive for him as acts of service * I give him photos with letters at the back for gifts and words * I myself love physical touch * And I have always given him time especially when he needs it, aside from my Saturdays being reserved for him

Am I proud of my efforts I put in loving him? Very. Do I think that I have lacked? Well, I can only multiply what has been given to me. Give me a stone and I can only crack it, give me a grain of wheat and I will give him fields to harvest.

And now the biggest question lingers: When is enough “enough”? And when is it valid to give up?