Calvin Diaries

Goodness out of the Blue

We're so used to evil that good surprises us.

Last night, I was at an ATM to deposit an amount. It was frustrating since the machine didn't want to accept my last 4 bills, I tried three times to get rejected. So I ended it with a bad taste in my mouth and left hurriedly.

A man with not the most pleasant exterior soon came behind me for the same machine, I left with a hurried pace since he doesn't seem to be the type to be placing a large sum of money in the machine. Funny how I thought he was sketchy because of his “laid back” outfit. As soon as I locked my car, he ran to me and knocked on my window, only to discover i left my card on the ATM.

He could've easily just pocketed it, but he rushed out of his way just to hand me what is duly mine. I appreciated that of him, and a lesson learned that night: judge less by exterior.

Human's Desire for new Things

Yesterday while waiting at the bank, I read a series of tweets regarding the breakup of someone against his childhood partner. Quite possibly that would be at least 8 years of being together, intimate and knowing the soul of another being.

What's worse is that it wasn't exactly a mutual separation, it was because of cheating.

Now I'm not going to wash my hands and say I haven't cheated, I have and have been cheated on as well. To define, cheating at it's core is to basically put your pleasure above the relationship's needs — whether it be physical or emotional. We can be technical here but the core of cheating is when you intently enter an act which can damage the relationship in your pursuit for selfish pleasure.

If it was a one time thing, it would've been ok but the succession of the cheating of the woman even probably lasting for 2 years from what I understood is dumbfounding.

Who trades a long lasting relationship for a new one? One where the man pursues her everyday and cherishes her beauty? To say that the guy may be an ass a little, but for her to return and ask him to give her another try says otherwise.

I could go on, but I just want to say. Human nature is peculiar, unpredictable and could go illogically downward just because of impatience or boredom. There is no guarantee anyone will stay if we're to bank on people's natural tendency to chase for “more”

Me, me and me

Everyone's innate position in matters is “What's in it for me?” and it's evident with my partner. Beyond thinking about the advantages for him, I'd really wish someday he'd come to ask himself “What can I do for him?” in the aspect of making me happy.

Make no mistake, he does make me happy. By being beside me, by complying when I ask for hugs or kisses but I always have to ask for it. If I wanted someone obedient I would've gotten a dog. I mean, when you love the person, shouldn't these matters come naturally? The urge to kiss and to be intimate?

I miss the desire to be kissed. So many have been wanting for me and yet here I am, stuck with the one who show the least amount of want for me.

Payday and Improvements

Ahhh... I hate having to compute for payments because all the deductions are scattered and chasing data for different places and reminders is such a pain. I think I've made about 3 revisions for the payment finances and it's killing both me and the finance department.

Thankfully today I had another light bulb moment to fix this, and I'm going to start on it today.

Meditation to Sleep

Today, I think I fell asleep on my meditation session. I woke up at 2am thinking it was 6am only to find my setup of a pillow on my back and my phone on my right. Pretty sure I didn't get to finish it consciously.

I'm not sure how either, but this 7am I scrambled to find my phone that's position under my hug pillow. Unfortunately, I haven't turned off the WiFi. I woke up impromptu due to the fact that I did it in panic since I couldn't find it in the two times I tried in bed, then searching my desk, bathroom and back.