Calvin Diaries

I'm not sure how to title this, but what I can tell you is that today is the first day I failed on the following things against my new habit forming: * Meditation * Reading a book * Abstinence

Do I feel bad about it? Yeah. I can't seem to wake up as early with much energy like I can do in the early part of this change at heart. I'm not sure if it's just because I'm sick today, but I miss the fresh feeling of having no one in this structure but me, my dog and the cold room to bask in.

Abstinence and Giving in

I'm not trying to reason out for my failure but the thing about abstinence is it makes me very horny to the point of struggling with being unfaithful. Yeah, when given too much leeway I get interested to do it with anyone, and I think that's horrible. I think relieving myself of that temptation is so much better than disappointing my partner but my own faith goes against it.

I'm caught between a rock and a hard place with this dilemma definitely.

Looking away/for more

I'm starting to lose sight of what I have and wondering what it would have to have what I don't have. I know, it's not a good downward hill but it just is so bad to compare and to feel unloved and to feel like being on the losing side of the stick. I promise to fight it, I don't plan to give up what I've committed to. I just hope I'm not making a wrong choice to stay.

Fear and Financials

I still haven't worked on my Powerpoint that I should've, for speaking engagements. It's been so long and the opportunities pass my by already. How can I prioritize these things? They feel so elusive against my time and priorities.

As for helping my bf's two friends. One seems very obsessed with social media efforts, and another interested on it. I don't believe in it that much, but I sure know how to manipulate them. Problem is: I just don't know how worth it it is to give effort to these matters.