False Sense of Stability (MEDS)
Insight into mental illness
“After seeking help”
I know realize that the meds that help me become more stable, which is a positive step towards progress, is forcing the luxury of comfort unto my mentality. I can't seem to focus any of my time on accomplishing my goal of commencing the process citizenship. I strive to become like everyone else in the form of equality in opportunities. Yet all I seem to want to do is work on myself physically. Cardio mostly. That and declined pushups to readjust my sternum. Just so it can be equal to my shoulder strength. I believe that is where my area power comes from. It's a bi-product of carrying hardwood boxes up flights of stairs in my youth. I'm grateful for it because muscle memory and my up upper body is important if I want be capable of carrying heavy weight for long periods of time. Unfortunately as a “be careful of what you ask for kind of way!” I wanted an sense of stability and consistency from the meds. Is there a such thing as too much Stability? Well I can't focus on the things that bother me like reconnecting with family or friends, searching and discovering my bloodline so I can complete a family tree and finally belong to something that brings a sense of familiarity due to shared family physical features. It is becoming incredibly difficult to become upset when I lose at something. For example Chess. When I lose, I've noticed it doesn't bother me like it used to, before the meds. My competitive edge is being wore by the meds as if a corrosive chipping away until it's subdued and tamed. If anyone has any advice, I'd really appreciate it.
Currently on anti depressant, mood stabilizers, sleep aids anti psychotics. They don't help with the nightmares of good knows what or why. I have nothing for anxiety because I somewhat can't function without it. To the point I have to cause it.
By CBC (🧀)