Trauma Clouds Judgement, Perception, and ability to ask for Help.

Definition Of Intrusive?

Today is May 4th and it 3:38p.m. Its a very intrusive day. That is my current perception my trauma still clouds my judgement. Constantly being questioned, PERIOD caused me to become incredibly irritable. Worse part is, my wife gets the worst of it because of her being used as a way of relaying information between myself and others. Actually compromising  her progress. Allot trauma clouding her judgement as well. The fact that she doesn't have any realization There in lies the dilema. She never asks herself why? Someone or something always in the way halting progress in the name of vanity. That is true. In the name of vanity. I never realized that I perceive intrusion in different forms or manor. I tend to perceive intrusion in an unconventional manor. I tend to put it under a microscope , magnify X100, and focus, focus, focus. Never realized I did that. So how do cease with this behavior. That is  just how much my trauma still clouds my judgement. Whether I realize it or not at the time. I believe ones sub conscience is thier right, sound mind trapped beneath layers of trauma trying to break threw. My subconscious is different. It picks up everything, even if I don't catch it at the time. I have the gift of connecting memory recall with emotion. Didn't even realize that existed until I watched a video about Jim Quick, the guy with the broken brain. Ive been doing it my whole life never realizing it. All the Bravos side of my family are all intelligent. My aunt is a teacher. Cousin graduated from Santa Barbera, Cousin Ruben from University of Guadalajara, Cousin Joel is a Software engineer, cousin Eric is an a business man, and Marcela I believe went to College. So it runs in my blood. The Castillo side is where the mental illness originated from. My Grandfather was an alcoholic who was known to cheat on my grandma. He moved in with his girlfriend a month after she passed away from breast cancer. R.I.P “Ines Bravo”. She was my first role modal. Ever! My Grandmother was very stern, and was very strong in character. No flaws in character. She was the first to come to my aid. The first one I was able to run if I felt I needed protection. Even from my mother and step father. My grandma used to strike my mother when I was being abused in any manor. Very honorable woman. Only thing is I can't seem to remember ever seeing her smile. Anyways back to grandpa, On his way home from the bar he used to claim that he would see types of farm animals with fire coming out thier nose and glowing red eyes. I believe that is where it transfered to my mother. Which then transferred to all of us. Me, my sister, my brother despite having different fathers. That is what I am piecing together my family tree. For genetic genome purposes in my new theory of evolution. Now my reason for despising Intrusion was unknown to me until recent epiphany. Now this is my definition of my perception of the meaning of intrusion. Treason, Espionage, Betrayal, Untrust worthy, Violation, Trespassing, Conspiring, Being Deceitful, Manipulation. Collection of information for future benefit of a hidden agenda, Stealing someones most private thoughts. That is just how much my trauma still clouds my judgement. This is a new twist in what is the labyrinth that is my life and mind Always something new to which catches me off guard. I have now learned I must focus on what I know to be true. MIND over BODY, SOUL over MIND, HEART OVER ALL! THE RAIN FALLS ON THE JUST AND UNJUST ALIKE. Its who you are and what you decide to harness that sets you apart. Cause and Effect. Reaction to actions. Perfect example. The reaction to Jesus Christ, Book of Job, and San Benito the Hermit saint, all thier actions are still influencing me to this day. That's how powerful they're actions were. And that's how powerful my actions must be. Always in the name of Others that have no ill will towards anyone for they suffer the most in this world. Because they are prayed upon by tyrants. No one does the moral right thing these days. Society Conventional standards is different from civilization. Civilized mentality doesn't fit in society. Because in society someone is always pulling the strings. Yet in civilization everyone must be civil in a civilized state of mind. Thinking of each others interests and not our own. Well this is another look into my mind, psyche, soul, life, and experiences. So now I give thanks to God in the name of Jesus Christ for giving me the courage for triumphing over any obstacle the mud dragger has set forth in my path today in Order to remain Vigilant on the road to Righteousness in the strive for Progress for all who have no ill will towards anyone for they are the ones who suffer the most in this life. AMEN. In the everyday battle. In the ultimate war of living a fully successful life. For that is exactly how it is for those who's mind has been labeled “ill”. Anyone who's mind is labeled ill is nothing more then someone who's suffered so much that it activated their self defence mechanism. Think of that next time you see someone speaking to someone who seems they haven't groomed and is speaking to someone who is not there. For they have suffered more then you in this world.