cosmicglory

when i think about high school, the first thing that came across my mind was you

i thought it was inevitable, because i spent most of my high school days with you

you were there with every steps that i took, you were there with every path that i chose, you were; simply put, everywhere but by my side

rainy, sunny, cloudy, twelve months, two seasons, every single days, there's a piece of you in it

looking back, it couldn't have happened without me taking the first step

so, here's a fun fact that you might or might not be interested to know (yet unfortunately, you'll never learn about it because i'll keep this story to grave)

✧

I still remember it as clear as the day when I first met you. It was excruciatingly hot that day and I was sweating a lot. Just like how I was there with my family, you were there with your family. You look so menacing then, that I couldn’t help but wonder if there was something that pissed you off or perhaps that was just your default expression. You have this strong aura that pulled people in, and, undeniably, I got pulled in like a magnet.

On our way back to home, we talked about you and your family. You, whose name share resemblances with my sister’s. Your mom who seemed friendly. And your little sister who seemed calm yet had this curiosity written all over her face.

Even when it eventually moved on to another topic, I kept thinking about you.

That day, an all way too familiar feelings bloomed within my chest. It was warm, like the sun had burst in me, but I let it be.

This probably wouldn’t last long, I thought. It was more of curiosity, if not anything else.

Fate works in the strangest ways, apparently. We met again after being separated once. We were in the same class and I miraculously got seated in front of you. This is a bit embarrassing to admit, but I can’t take my eyes off of you. Whenever I had the chance to, I’d peek curiously at your calm and serene figure behind my back to check what you were doing. Even when you weren’t in your seat, my eyes would continuously search for your figure. That’s just how much you caught my attention back then.

Even with so many people surrounding you, I noticed that you barely talked with them and chose to fiddle with your phone instead. It raised a question mark in my head then. ‘Why?’ I was worried, and so were my friends. Later on, I learned that you didn’t fit in, yet you didn’t know what to do so you decided to stay put.

Sometime later, you decided to sit beside me. I forgot whether it was me or you who reached out first, but the details didn’t matter. It was the turning point of our relationship. From that moment onwards, you began to spend more time with me and eventually get along with friends as well.

Sometimes, I regretted not reaching out for you sooner, because otherwise I would have had more time to get to know you more, to talk to you more, and do many things together with you. Sometimes, I also wondered; has it ever crossed your mind that, in a way, I was the one who saved you back then? Ah... ‘saved’ must have sounded too pretentious, huh? Anyhow, were you thankful with what I did?

(I don’t think I’ll ever find the answer though, because even now, you’re still an enigma that I’m desperately trying to crack.)

Do you want to know another fun fact? I hope you do—but unfortunately, yes, you won't learn about it either unless you find this page by accident.

So... do you remember the competition we did together as a freshman?

Of course you do. I know you do because it's one of many reasons we got closer than ever, right? We spent ridiculous amount of time together learning and memorizing a bunch of articles and questions until we got sick of it.

You wouldn't believe me if I told you the real reason I tried it.

It was true that I mainly took the challenge because I was interested in it and I want to revive the burning old passion I used to had, but more than anything... I wanted to impress you. By joining the competition, and, hopefully, winning it.

I wanted to see you cheer for me before the actual competition started, and I also wanted to see you congratulate me after winning the competition.

I'm more than happy to know that you decided to join the competition, though, because we spent time together more than I would have hoped and it made me want to cry full tears of happiness, sometimes.

Time passed, and the time we spent together was becoming more frequent than ever. I had so much fun talking with you. We clicked better than expected and even in those moments where we didn’t talk, it was as comfortable. It was definitely one of the happiest moments in my life, a life treasure I wouldn’t trade for gold.

We were pretty much always seen together that sometimes I felt like an obedient dog, always following its master wherever they went. I didn’t care how people perceive us, though. I was content with being by your side and maintaining the status quo as your close friend, after all.

You were number one for me, but am I your number one?—was a question I desperately wanted to ask but never dared to.

Because even without asking, I already knew your answer.

(To you, I’m just one of your close friends, right? Nothing more, nothing less?)

#unsentletters