Diotima After Dark

I don’t have a new story ready so I thought it might be fun to dive into some of the ‘rules’ I have when I am writing about spicy things. This is all new to me and hey, maybe I’m breaking every rule ever by doing things this way, but whatever… I’m doing all of this for fun, right?

Let’s goooo!

Consent. First, I will always require consent. You’re never going to see me write about non-consensual sex. Ever.

Yes, sometimes I write about rough treatment, violence, humiliation… but the people involved have always, always, ALWAYS established consent either in the moment or before the story begins. Whether we’re talking about one of my “based on a real story” scenarios or something that is purely fantasy, you can be 100% sure that consent has been obtained.

Realism. Okay look, you’re probably laughing because a tiefling who writes about sex is going on about writing about realism, but first of all shut up and second of all, hear me out. I prefer to write scenes where people are not perfect, where even the most skilled of lovers makes mistakes, where awkward people (oh hi) aren’t like, fairy godmothered into sex goddesses when their pants come off.

To help, I use my own experiences to inform my understanding of real versus Hollywood sex. People finish at their own pace, have silly and not so silly misunderstandings, and are just… like… people first. Writing about myself, I don’t magically “fix” my difficulty in finishing; I know I’m not the only one like that, after all! And come on, movies, like… rarely do people finish in tandem (and when it does happen, holy hells what a surprise it usually is!) I’m getting off track. Point is like… I want to represent sex in a way that is relatable, not unattainable.

Fidelity. Okay look. There are plenty of ‘sexual awakening’ stories out there involving loveless relationships and new lovers and for real, I’m not judging you if you like those. But like, dudes… I’m into trust. I guarantee there will be misunderstandings and maybe even hurt feelings in some of my stories, but I’m not really into writing about cheating, okay? I absolutely understand why people do it (write about it and actually cheat) and I’m not at all judging either of those… but it’s not a theme I really like to explore in my writing.

****Quick Question & Answer*****

Q: Were you glorifying violence by allowing Runar to lose control?

I don’t think so, no. Runar was caught up in the moment and I was encouraging him to escalate. Whether my behavior in that scenario was healthy, well, that’s a more complicated question. Would the use of pain to calm my anguish be worth it? For me, I think that yes, it would be. But I’m not convinced that using pain as a coping mechanism is what one might call a healthy behavior, you know? That me was (is) struggling a lot; she should probably learn to talk out her feelings.

Yeah, fuck off, I’m a hypocrite. ;–)

Q: You know your storybook self comes across as a bit of a bitch at times?

Ha ha ha yeah. That’s accurate, I am a bit of a bitch, especially when I’m angry or frustrated or sad. People trying to make me feel better by offering me love and support infuriate me, as fucked as it is. I want people to call me names, to tell me I’m being stupid, to snap back when I snap at them. So yeah. I can be terrible.

Q: Sometimes after you write, you seem…?

Yeah. Okay, so… words flow best when I’m feeling the feels that my characters feel; I’ve often written through a cascade of tears, or while in an absolute rage, or while… okay yeah shut up, there’s an element of spice to writing spicy stories and sharing them, okay? But the point I guess is that I can’t just turn that off so if storybook Diotima is sad, frustrated, and feeling insecure well… hi. So am I. Sorry if I snap at you while I’m recovering, okay?