Dio Writes

Hiding behind these masks I've crafted Each a calculated risk Created to show you a falsehood My truth, buried somewhere in these lies

First a graying mask for a graying world This shade, gliding through featureless days Pretending to be something less than I am Your reality safe from me

This boring, half-life you call existence Predictable But perhaps I am unfair You mask could be as good as mine

Lost in this sea of banality Perhaps you struggle too Wishing to break the shackles That bind you to this slow death

But then, no You effortlessly glide, accepted The others around you sensing You are one of them

Do you ever wonder if I'm more? Do I ever unsettle you with my intensity? That fire that smolders just underneath the surface My eyes dismantling you with a thought

Do you catch my critical assessment, wondering What it might be like to have you The disgust of the idea flitting across my face Hating you for making me wonder

I am not jealous (I am jealous) I am not angry (I am furious)

This mask, a prison Screaming, I tear it from my face Shattering it against the wall of my rage It will be waiting for me tomorrow.

--

My second mask A bespoke self for the digital world A fantasy for us both This 'slutty nerd,' you love, free of consequence

I laugh, your hobbies my hobbies My stories, more truth than lie Fantasies never shared Writ large, shared, exposed

I deny you the best of me Sensuality screaming loud enough to protect my heart What you offer me in the moment enough Your base reality satisfying my need

Is this all you think I am? This vapid idiot, running through the halls Screaming 'fuck me' and blushing at your ministrations Swooning at your touch?

Do you see the smirk in the corner of my mouth How I lead you How I let you believe that you're in control That you might have me?

I want to tell you that I'm more I drop hints, shades of myself Clues, hidden in plain sight Seeds of me that I wish you'd nurture

I am not hurt (Perhaps I am hurt) I am not disappointed (I am resigned)

This mask, a cage Crying, I snap it in twain Leaving it where I know I can find it when next I need it.

--

My last mask, gossamer threads As close to my reality as I am able to share This girl, as she would be If she were braver than the coward she is

This me, eyes intent with the intelligence I often deny Your discomfort apparent As you realize that I am so much more Than what I have allowed myself to be

'This is me', I scream, ecstatic Knowing that I can only hold on for a moment The other masks, twitching Aching to return themselves to my face

Sensing a change, you flirt Expecting the playful awkwardess you know Terrified by my intensity As my eyes glitter with predatory glee

The door closed, I move in Wondering how you'll you taste when I have you Gliding closer, lips close to yours Hoping another hapless boy will not flee

I am whole, for the moment This mask, healing wounds long festering Limiters I erected to protect Discarded as my self shines through

I am happy (I am overjoyed) I want this forever (This will not last)

This mask, my unshaded truth I hold it to my face as long as I can Hoping to keep it a little longer And knowing I cannot.

--

And then... there is me.