Do you want to be in a harmonious and long-term relationship?

Most people do, but they eventually get stuck in a rut, and the rut can become the death of a relationship!

Do you want to prevent, or save, your relationship from this lack luster death?

First, let's understand the *Six Stages of the Relationship Cycle* that most people go through. Next, we'll hack the *Relationship Cycle* so that you don't have to experience this trap.

Here we GO!

6 Stages of the Relationship Cycle

Most long-term relationships go through five stages until it gets to a cross-road where the relationship can either rekindle, settle, or terminate.

Let's explore each stage and identify where you and your partner are in the relationship cycle:

*1) Courtship/Attraction:* This is the earliest stage of a relationship where you and your partner are getting to know each other and deciding whether you'll further pursue a deeper connection. This is a very fun and exciting time where you and your partner don't fully know each other and are deciding if there's chemistry through dates, sharing stories about your life, and putting your best foot forward by showing off your personality.

*2) Honeymoon:* Now that you two are head over heels in love with each other, the feel good neurochemicals of dopamine and serotonin are just rushing through your bodies! In the honeymoon phase, you and your partner just can't get enough of each other. For many couples, the honeymoon phase is the peak of their fulfillment and can last anywhere from a few weeks to a couple of years.

*3) Internal Stressors:* After the honeymoon phase, routine sets in. Fulfillment in the relationship is less likely. There appears to be less effort and fewer romantic gestures than before.

*4) External Stressors:* External issues now become the main focus in your lives. These issues are things such as financial problems, children, health problems, and issues that your family or friends need you to help resolve. The focus of you and your partner is now on resolving other people's issues and not on fostering the relationship between you two. The couple believes that once those other issues are resolved, their relationship will get better, which is not the case.

(Don't ignore the stressors in your life like this guy ^^^ and also don't let the stressors detract you from building your relationship)

*5) Stagnation:* Lack of intimacy and routine have set in. The couple are just keeping things together and there's no more passion. It's like you're living with a roommate not your lover.

*6) Maturation:* In this stage, your relationship has three courses it can take. These are Rekindling (reigniting the relationship with passion and fulfillment), Settling (staying in the relationship out of convenience and fear of change), or Termination (divorce or break-up).

Repairing the Relationship Trap

Imagine that the Honeymoon phase was only the beginning of your committed relationship and that it only got better from there!

You and your partner's mutual fulfillment increases over time as shown in this chart below:

This outcome is very possible!

Deeper levels of physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy are within your reach, even after the Honeymoon phase!

You and your partner can go beyond the conventional relationship that ends in routine or separation by intentionally integrating the following principles into your relationship:

1) Open Communication and Active Listening: You and your partner need to communicate openly with each other both in and out of the bed room. However, you both may be speaking different languages due to different communication styles and personal needs.

Start off by understand you and your partner's Love Language. (Click here to get a copy of The 5 Love Languages). For example, you might find that your partner's love language is Acts of Service. This means that he or she is most receptive to love when you follow through large or small tasks. A gesture, such as taking in your partner's car for an oil change will be received as more loving rather than writing her a love poem! Click here to get The 5 Love Languages so you can learn you and your partners main Love Language.

Next, start communicating more openly with each other about your sexual desires, fantasies, and what you'd like more or less of during sex. This requires both you and your partner to listen attentively to vocal tonality and physiological signs that indicate pleasure or discomfort. When your partner displays signs of pleasure keep doing whatever. Sometimes this might mean for you to keep the pace and stimulation intensity the same before slowly transitioning into a different kind of stimulus. This is a very nuanced issue that I can't go into full detail, so click here to check out the book Women's Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure.

*2) Vulnerability:* Being vulnerable with your partner can be difficult because it places you in the position of possibly being hurt. For example, Lewis Howes, the well-known podcaster from The School of Greatness, was sexually abused by a neighbor during childhood. For years, Lewis had kept these traumatic experiences a secret from his family, friends, and people he had romantic relationships with. Because Lewis suppressed the issues of his childhood traumas, he had many interpersonal difficulties, which crept into his romantic relationships. Once Lewis became vulnerable by doing the therapeutic work on his traumas, he was able to have deeper interactions with his family, friends, and romantic partners.

Here's a picture of Lewis Howes after interviewing Kobe Bryant.

The following are some recommendations to being more vulnerable, which will deepen the connection with your partner:

1) Don't Hide Your Emotions - Feel, process, and express your emotions to your partner.

2) Face Your Fears - Being vulnerable can be scary but it's also a personal act of courage. You're essentially facing your fear of rejection and possibly being hurt. When you feel fear, face it head-on, in a safe and appropriate manner of course, because it taking the risk of vulnerability has higher rewards through deeper relationships.

3) Be Your Authentic Self - Being your true authentic self means what you say in life aligns with your core beliefs and values. It is about being true to yourself through your thoughts, words, and actions, and having these three areas match each other. When you are your authentic self, you attract people into your life that are like you and therefore want deeper connections with you.

For more on Vulnerability, click here to check out this great audio book, The Power of Vulnerability: Teaching Authenticity, Connection, and Courage by Dr. Brene Brown

*3) Be Present, Validating, and Understanding:* The present is this exact moment. Presence is what's happening right now, not 30 minutes in the future, or 5 years ago, but right now! Presence doesn't consider what just happened or what will happen in the next moment.

Being present doesn't require you to be a master of mindful meditation, but it no fulfilling relationship has existed without the present minds of the couple. When you are present minded you are communicating to your partner, “I see and hear you.” The ultimate goal is validation.

Oprah Winfrey has interviewed thousands of people, and she has come to this conclusion,

Presence and validation fully applies to deepening the connection in your relationship! If your mind is not present, then it's difficult to be attuned to your partner and give them the appropriate validation.

Here's one of the most important ways to increase the presence in your relationship in our modern day society...

**Put away your phones!** I went to a business conference and one of the main topics was getting over cell phone addiction! People were having difficulties with achieving their business goals because their cell phone use distracted them! Paying too much attention to your cell phone is also eroding many people's presence in their relationships.

When your mind is not present because it's buried in a social media, you cannot be attuned to growing your relationship and having a deeper connection. You and your partner should do these following things:

* Discuss when it is acceptable to use a cell phone when you're together.

* Communicate special circumstances that may necessitate phone access.

* If you’re unhappy with your partner's cell phone use, let him or her know.

* If your partner asks you to put your phone down, do it and be present.

To further learn how to increase presence and mindfulness if your relationship for greater fulfillment, click here and pick up the book Mindful Relationship Habits: 25 Practices for Couples to Enhance Intimacy, Nurture Closeness, and Grow a Deeper Connection.

I hope that this article helps reignite passion into your long-term relationship!

If you'd like to go more in-depth and take your relationship to a deeper level of connection, just email me at *Crizea11@gmail.com* and we'll set up a coaching call.

Whether you're looking to get into a meaningful relationship or you want to deepen a connection with your partner, email me at *Crizea11@gmail.com* for a coaching call to get you on track with achieving your relationship goals!

Talk to you soon :)

-Dr. Chris