*Yo Yo! It's your boy, Dr. Chris*!

Well damn. Don't you look prim and posh today...

Jolly good show, my friend ;)

Here on Team Dr. Chris, we're all about growing our health, wealth, love, and happiness. These are the four pillars to having “The Good Life!”

But guess which pillar is the most important?

*Cue the Jeopardy music*

You answered correctly... It's

If you don't have love figured out, all of the other pillars to having the Good Life will crumble like a cookie dunked in almond milk.

Love can be anything from the love you have for your pets, family, and even environment.

But in today's article, the kind of love that I'm going to focus on is your romantic relationships!

Remember the movie “Night at the Roxbury” and those two guys would bob their head to the song “What is Love?”

Don't be like these guys! haha :P

For years, I didn't have this figured out in my life.

I'd go from empty relationship to empty relationship without feeling a deep connection.

Something had to change!

That's why I delved into the research of understanding the minds of men and women, dating and relationship, love and lust.

I even went to fringe workshops on tantra...Perhaps more about that in another article ;)

So for today, I'm going to give you the “7 Don't's” to avoid if you want the relationship of your dreams.

1) Don't rush the present state of the relationship: I get it, you've finally met that awesome person that makes your toes curl and you can't stop thinking about them in boring meetings at work.

Nothing about them irritates you and they are perfect! The chances are highly likely that you're brain is flooded with feel good hormones and can't see the person for who they really are.

As much as I want you to keep those feelings, and to spark them throughout the course of the relationship, don't let that make you take large leaps in the stages of the relationship!

I know that “Happily Ever After” is want we want now, but you may not be in the right state of mind to be making those big decisions. These include moving in together, getting a pet that you two share, or having an impromptu Elvis themed wedding in Vegas!

Enjoy the present moment for what it is and really get to know them before making those next big decisions.

2) Don't expect your relationship to solve all your problems: If you're single and feeling depressed, bored, or generally unsatisfied with the state of your life, it may be tempting to think that being in a relationship will solve those issues.

There's no doubt that being in a relationship may help alleviate those feelings, but you will naturally fall back to your baseline mood if you don't work on the root cause of what's causing you those problems to begin with.

Take the example of Kate the bartender. Kate was unsatisfied with her financial situation and felt depressed most of the time.

Kate then started to date John the doctor. Thinking that being with a doctor would make her more motivated to turn her life around, Kate's mood was back to where it was within three months of the relationship and there weren't any shifts in her career.

Kate was not lacking an inspirational partner, it was the confidence she had in herself!

Overall, full your own cup of happiness and get to the root cause of your issues rather than expecting your partner to solve those issues for you.

3) Don't expect relationships to be easy: The satisfaction of a harmonious long-term relationship comes with work on yourself and work on the relationship.

There's a paradox that come with the hard times in a relationship...

If you can truly get through the difficult patches in a relationship, this strengthens the bond between you two.

This is why “Make-Up Sex” can be so powerful!

(P.S. Don't get into arguments with your partner purely for the make-up sex. No Bueno!)

View the hardships in a relationship as opportunities to learn about yourself, your partner, and how the relationship is functioning.

If you're honest with yourself in these fragile moments, you can see your triggers for fear, anxiety, and anger. The magic about this is that these same triggers have probably played out in past relationships and are playing out in your non-romantic relationships as well.

(This man is triggered by his partner haha)

Take Lauren's situation. Lauren's dad was controlling of her, which made her feel like she had not control over her life. As a result of feeling like she was being controlled, she became rebellious as a way to never feel controlled. Her rebellious attitude made it difficult for her to keep jobs because she would always butt-heads with her boss. In her romantic relationship, whenever her partner made plans for them, asked her to do something, or made suggestions, Lauren would become defensive and rebellious because she felt like she was being controlled.

(Do you see how her difficulties in relationships and work are related to how was treated in childhood by a controlling father?)

Lauren was able to see that the difficulties in her relationship was related to the bigger theme of psychological triggers. Because she was triggered in the relationship, she saw this as a growing opportunity to put those old ghosts to rest. As a result of this, she was less triggered by her boy friend and boss.

Don't be triggered like Lisa...

There you have it! Some “Don't Do's” in a relationship!

Let me know what you think people shouldn't do in a relationship and what has worked for YOU!

I'm out and off to the gym.

Peace Beast!

-Dr. Chris

Continue reading with a Coil membership.