Players Gonna Play: The Infidelity Formula and How to Hack It
“You cheating PIG!” were the words that flew from Kayla’s mouth after she saw her husband’s sexually provocative texts to his coworker.
With the look of shock on his face, the only thing Jack could say in response was, “You shouldn’t have broken into my phone… I deserve privacy. Besides, it’s not what you think.”
Nice try, Jack. No one believes you. Five years of marriage was destroyed because you sent naughty messages and pictures of your genitals to Becky from the HR department.
As a clinical psychologist, I hear many stories of infidelity and the aftermath of chaos it leads to.
As a matter of fact, US infidelity statistics in 2017 show that 22% of men and 14% of women say that they've cheated on their significant other.
**But what leads people to go astray from their partner?
**
There’s a formula that leads to infidelity, and I’m going to teach you what it is and how to hack it without controlling and possessive behaviors.
The infidelity formula goes like this:
Vulnerability + One Dumb Decision + Opportunity = The Slippery Slope to Cheating.
Let me further explain...
1) Vulnerability factors sets up your partner to be more likely to cheat.
Vulnerability factors include dissatisfaction with sex in the relationship, addiction to porn, drugs, and alcohol, or a tendency to keep secrets.
The following are four High-Risk Times that makes a person vulnerable to infidelity:
2) “One Dumb Decision” is a behavior by the adulterer that crosses physical and emotional boundaries. One dumb decision leads to nine dumb decisions and then infidelity.
Here’s an example of one dumb decision by Jack. He was flirting with his coworker, Becky. Next, so called “innocent” touching on the shoulder starting happening between them. Then, the sharing of personal thoughts and feelings through texts. At an office party, Jack and Becky had too much to drink…which leads us to the final step in the infidelity formula, and that is “Opportunity.”
3) “Opportunity” are situations that make it possible to cheat. Opportunities for infidelity are everywhere from office parties, traveling for work, or being alone with an ex-partner where there’s still physical attraction.
Many people use online dating sites as their opportunity to cheat on their partner. Here are some statistics:
The negative consequences of infidelity in a marriage or relationship can be HUGE!
If the infidelity leads to divorce, it will cost you a lot of money as shown by this infograph from residents in Pennsylvania:
Depression and emotional pain from infidelity could lead to not being able to trust another person with your heart in the future.
Your cheating partner could also give you a Sexually Transmitted Disease from the person he/she was fooling around with! These STDs include Chlamydia, Herpes, and HIV.
Let’s now focus on hacking the Infidelity Formula to prevent infidelity...
First, identify all the vulnerability factors to resolve. For example, if you or your partner is sexually dissatisfied, openly discuss this and perhaps take classes that deepen the sexual and emotional bond between you two.
For example, a friend of mine said that there were some sexual issues in his relationship. He and his girlfriend openly discussed these issues in the bedroom. My friend bought the book Women's Anatomy of Arousal: Secret Maps to Buried Pleasure (click here to get it) and this resolved their issues in the bedroom! So he and his girlfriend used the tips and tricks from this book, and Voila! The quality of their love making has significantly improved ;)
Identifying the vulnerability factor, and then remedying it, prevented further relationship dissatisfaction.
If you want to bulletproof your marriage or relationship, I also highly recommend the book The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. The author, John Gottman, is a world leader in helping people having blissful relationships!
Click HERE to check out this book! It can really save your relationship now or in the future!
Also, a great book that I would recommend you get is Infidelity: The Best Worst Thing that Could Happen To Your Marriage
Click here to get Infidelity: The Best Worst Thing That Could Happen To Your Marriage
Next, to prevent “One Dumb Decision,” you and your partner need to get used to asking yourselves, “If I did this behavior in front of my partner, how would they feel about this?” and “If my partner did this behavior, would I be upset about it?”
If you think your partner would be upset and disapprove of the behavior, then don’t do it!
As for Opportunities, we can’t prevent situations for infidelity by being overly controlling of our partner. Vulnerability factors have to be resolved first so that opportunities have no leverage.
Infidelity can shatter trust and may lead to an irreparable relationship. Remember, the best way to stop infidelity is to identify and address vulnerability factors first before they stack up against the relationship.
I hope this article was helpful. If you need help with dating and relationship coaching, email me at *crizea11@gmail.com* and we'll set up a coaching call.
Talk to you soon!
- Dr. Chris