About me
- Raised Athiest. Trained in the “Richest Man of Babylon” business philosopy.
- 1st grade learned to strip lead paint with putty knife and blow torch.
- 5th grade. wanted 10 speed bike. Saved up for it.
- 6th grade. Finally had enough bike money. Dad taught me to invest it instead of buying fancy wheels.
- Rode little bike while friends raced around on 10 speeds bikes. Learned to peddle fast. Investment grew.
- Fell in love with her at 13. Was horrible asshole. Snapped her bra. Flippped her pony tail. Would call on phone and not have a word to say.
- First date was the premiere showing of the 1st Star Wars movie (Dad drove us). What was that movie about? Wasn't really paying attention.
- Sold investment for funds to start a small farm idea. Was lousy farmer. Lost investment.
- Dropped out of High School at 15 to start house painting business and start college classes. Hired adults to drive me. Learned that figuring out payroll tax returns and witholding really sucks.
- Business and college at same time tough for teenager.
- Got a normal job. That didn't last long / not wired that way. She broke up with me in large part because I wanted intimacy before marriage. Damn Catholocism. Sad.
- Joined Marines for easier life. Told interviewer I'd give my left nut to be an infantry officer. Got age waiver and education waiver because I was too young / lacked bachelor's degree. Left nut atrophied – jeez I hadn't litterally been offering to swap a jewel for a job.
- Won her back via Snail Mail campaign from Perris Island while waiting for officer school. Worked in mail room. Could spot her beautiful handwriting in the trays.
- Horny asshole marries sweet prude on Memorial Day Weekend between Infantry schools. Promised myself to accept her the way she is, no matter what. Did OK with that, except in the bedroom dept. Once a month missionary to exactly one simultaneous just didn't work for me. Damn Catholocism.
- US Marine Grunt mostly easier than business. I liked it but felt the need to do more. Spent all our money self-publishing “101 Ways to Make a Buck.” Total flop but wound up with a 30 year supply of 5X8 envelopes.
- Deployed 4 ½ of our 1st five years “together.” Figured all the deployed time was why we had no kids. You really don't want your wife getting pregnant while you are overseas anyway.
- Saved all her paychecks. Resigned from Marines. Built first house with money she'd saved.
- Built more houses. Not enough capital. Did all work myself. Always sore. Back hurt. Barely made enough on houses to pay my own wage. Moved 17 times in 6 years.
- Found out the no kids thing was probably related to the left nut thing which is probably related to the blow torch and lead paint as a child thing. Tried artificial insemination. Wound up with pissed off donor's wife.
- Tried adoption. Got into political dispute with adoption counselor over whether or not my Puerto Rican in-laws count as “Hispanic role models.” Lost a ton of money. No adoption.
- Interviewed all the richest men in town to learn how they made it. (Awkward but I learned a lot . . . mostly to keep an eye on costs.)
- Finally got a decent business going. Renounced Atheism. Baptized Catholic (her faith.)
- Totally blew out back. Unable to do manual labor anymore.
- Huge recession hit . . . bought houses cheap, laid on my back on the floor (due to injury) teaching laborers how to do the work.
- Almost lost business in lawsuit.
- Was happy during lawsuit. Didn't have to work so hard.
- Won lawsuit. Not so happy. Back to work.
- Relationship great. Business taking off. Took time to try to learn to be less of an asshole to her. She started opening to my kinkier needs.
- Relationship better than great. Took more time to work on asshole problem. The other thing kept getting better.
- Worked on relationship some more.
- Relationship incredible, mind boggling for me. Wrote first relationship / sex blog. It died when GoDaddy quit hosting blogs and I was too busy with business to archive.
- Still working on relationship.
- She's still my best friend. I'm now working on actually being nice in addition to just not being so much of a jerk.
- Taking her out for a walk and a chat now.
- Just got back. Spent entire walk thinking of how to make this read better. Not much chat. What an asshole!