The combat hardened US Navy fighter pilot made Captain in record time. A rising star, he was being groomed for promotion to Admiral. Everyone expected that he would soon command an aircraft carrier battle group. Part of his grooming was a stint as Captain of the big, “deep draft” Navy cargo ship I worked on as a young Marine. Apparently, for aviators, learning how to drive a really big ship is a pre-requsite to driving aircraft carriers and battle groups.

I found out what drove him. His marriage sucked! He did everything he could to keep us at sea, away from his wife.

The radiant young couple was crestfallen when the Dungeon Master rejected their membership application. The young woman had her heart set on her husband learning to fulfill her fantasy of being tied up and dominated by him.

We invited them in as our guests and showed them what we could.

She was a woman on a mission. A month later she got back in touch and shyly asked if we’d consider helping them act out a fantasy. She wanted to be “double penetrated” by her husband and another man. (That's simultaneous vaginal and anal intercourse, and it's dangerous). They felt that I would be a safe partner to act this out with.

The flattering offer intrigued me, but not in the carnal sense. The ache in her triggered my empathy not my desire.

The married stranger was scared when she realized that “this entire conversation has been sexual.” She said something like “when I feel a connection like this I . . .” She left the thought hang, but to me it sounded like she might have done things she regretted under the spell of intense emotional connection. #monagamy

So, the elephant in the room is romantic attraction. How do I know that it's possible to have intense emotional interconnection without it turning romantic and without doing stupid, destructive, empty, hedonistic stuff?