Not Doing Enough
For a few days now, I've been asking myself a lot of questions. There are days where I seem pretty convinced and empowered, but there are also days that I seem to doubt myself and my opinions about something. As I've said before, I've always had a problem with being non-commital and indecisive, and the past few weeks' worth of news has definitely tested the extent of it.
For one thing, I will again harp at the idea that social media could be a double-edged sword. It's been wonderful to see political and social systems being questioned and brought down by the masses (the 1% is shaking in fear), and issues minorities face have been suddenly thrust into spaces where these conversations normally don't occur. It's uncomfortable to see it in broad daylight, even for me, but I like how it has captured the attention and rapport it has always deserved.
But it can be majorly overwhelming too, and while I scroll, read, understand, sign petitions, and donate when and where I know it would create a larger impact on my direct community, I feel like I'm not doing enough. It's petty, but it's created this weird dilemma in me that I feel like a fraud (with good intentions). Will the internet take it against me if I choose to focus on my local community? Will people call me out if I say that I haven't rallied and protested out on the streets? By writing this, am I in effect taking the focus out of the issue? I hope not – I really am just writing my fears here.
Now I know I'm no internet superstar, but I find it absolutely crazy how other people perceive someone else's online presence during these times. I've seen two sides of the coin – a) radio silence on the matter means you're apathetic, but b) voicing strong opinions warrants you debate, and possibly drama. Where can your normal, non-outspoken, netizen stand then? To be honest, this is where I turn everything off on the timeline and turn my attention to the real world.
What I do hope is that this isn't just for the time being. We're all at a good starting point, but changing people's mindset is a gradual process, and I sincerely hope we won't let the fire die out. If there's anything I'm confident I've been working and building on, it's talking about it with my parents (who are your typical, traditional, Asian parents – believe me, they think differently) and finding areas in my life where I can integrate supporting BLM and POC initiatives (shopping local, choosing to look for new and support content creators, looking for non-profits in areas that I actually support [art, tech, learning, job opportunities], etc). I still fear it isn't enough, and I hope someone can forgive me for just doing the “bare minimum” – if that even exists. Or really, I hope I can forgive myself for it.
I'm currently doing a challenge called “100 Days to Offload” – you can join in the fun too by visiting https://100daystooffload.com