The Eighth Attempt
Writing has taken different forms and meanings in my life throughout the years. Last night, as I was writing my first entry to this new platform, I was suddenly compelled to actually look for my older blogs. The search ended at around three in the morning, but at that point, I was passing on screencaps of hilarious content dating back from 2007 to my best friend, who's been with me for far longer.
My first few blogs (1, 2, and a defunct multiply account) were more candid – they were endless transcripts and musings about how my day went, the regrets I had, thoroughly explained DIYs I painstakingly made (and was proud of), and sayings I had wanted to keep and bring with me for the future. My highschool self had no awareness for correct punctuation and grammar, nor did it particularly pay close attention to style and tone. To be honest, I would've been better off writing all of them down in a notebook, but my younger self was definitely interested in shifting to a digital way of writing and sharing.
The timeline cuts off for a bit and my writing self lays dormant until 2013. Blogs 4, 5, and 6 take on a different tone – they read more like a lifestyle, review blog, sprinkled with a bit of my own artwork and photos. They range from beauty to RPG games, and then the occasional life update. Reading them now, seven/three years later, gives me a sense of pride. The sixth one, especially, may have had fewer posts as opposed to the older ones, but I remember how much work I put into them – the photos I took/screen-captured, and the hours I spent drafting and revising before finally posting – they were pretty much real effort that took actual brainpower than a mental dump. The 7th blog was a short-lived affair with just one post, dating back to just last year, but I'm still amazed at how much I've grown.
My recent works have most definitely been influenced by reading too much review and lifestyle blogs – so much so that if I were to be real with myself, I ended writing things not for the fun of it, but for the imaginary audience that I could've potentially acquired. Not that any of my blogs had constant readers either – I may have put so much effort in making them, but I didn't do the actual leg work of promoting them aggressively either, as some others would do.
This is my eighth attempt, and hopefully the last. Maybe more driven by boredom than anything, I started to play around the idea of starting a new one at the beginning of quarantine – I had too much time on my hands, so why not go back and write? It's been a month since the initial idea, but throughout that, I was having mini debates about whether or not I should act on it – what was I going to write? What would be my voice this time? Where was I going to write it?
I was clear about having a personal blog, but the realization that all of my past blogs devolved into a capitalistic and social endeavor frightened me. I had spent a year (or more) being cut off from social media (my only outlet is Twitter now), and my life changed for the better – there was no way I was going back to a world of chasing likes and attention, envying people who had them. I am happy enough, but I wanted to write.
There is still no clear reason for what I'm trying to do now. No exact timeline for my posts, nor any clear direction to where I should go. The term “personal blog” has been so far removed from what it originally is, and the faux idea has been so deeply ingrained in me, I'm finding it very hard to wean off from it. I will probably write about games, review a few things and actually title them “review”, go on a rant about things, and be very critical about it all – and that's fine. But this time, I'll be firm and do it for myself.
Thank you for reading until the end! Since I've just started writing after a few years, it was just my luck that I stumbled upon 100 Days To Offload – they've just sort of started, so I'm joining the bandwagon. You can join in the fun too by visiting https://100daystooffload.com
As you've just read, this is still somehow new and experimental, so if you'd like to drop a message (even just to say hi!), get in touch with me here – I would be absolutely thrilled to hear from you!