Elias

I just had an interesting experience talking with you. I think as I realized that my “secret hope” that we might “end up together” was futile and that there would be no “coming back together” as I hoped, this bubble of hope basically burst and vanished. It didn't feel very good.

But suddenly, you were not an object of my desire anymore but just a human, talking with me on the phone, who I will see again in two weeks. But the desire to kiss you, hug you, unite with you, it was not me anymore, it was just an unimportant object within my awareness.

For a moment I was even seeing you like a person I would not at all enjoy spending time with, but it didn't take long to form a more neutral image again.

It was interesting to see you from this perspective again and I think I actually prefer it over what I can now identify as infatuation.

It might seem like a small and insignificant shift, but it's actually huge. It brought me to the edge of my sanity and back. And I am changed.

So thank you for talking with me. I can only guess that it might have been just as painful for you as for me, but even if it was only less pleasant than what you could have otherwise done, I appreciate it.

And think about how amazing this actually is: the future is still not happening, and could turn out any possible way, but my decision to love and support you might just come a bit easier with a perspective on you that is less distorted by my own desires and compulsions.