Elias

By all external measures, I'm pretty poor right now. I don't have a home I can call my own, I don't have a girlfriend, I don't have children, my bank account is approaching zero and my modest investments are losing. I don't have a fixed job. I don't have a university degree. I couldn't test my latest design this week because an electrical component failed. I can't be with the people I love because most are far away.

But by all internal measures, I realize, I'm more wealthy than ever before.

Just yesterday and finally today I remembered: It doesn't matter that I don't feel at home anywhere in the future. It doesn't exist. It only matters whether I can feel at home where I am in the present moment. I don't need a home as long as I can feel at home wherever I am. It also doesn't matter whether I will have a girlfriend in the future. It matters whether I can feel connected with people in the present. And the feeling of love, well, that's within me anyways, and if someone else can unlock it in me, why wouldn't I be able to do the same? And why am I looking for excuses to lock it away?

Also, my bank account might move towards zero, but it doesn't matter. I know I'll have money whenever I need it. No reason to freak out. I also don't need a fixed job. I can do almost whatever work I want to, and if I want to keep supporting this project, I can do that. As long as I'm useful they'll keep paying me. And if I don't want to, well, then I do something else. It also doesn't matter that I don't have a university degree. I don't care and if someone else does, well, that's life.

And the latest hull design that I couldn't test because of a failure? Well, two months ago it had seemed like I wouldn't be able to test it at all. I had agreed with Tomas to put it aside and keep going with the old and tested design. But the seed of that idea had grown in his mind and two weeks ago he proposed to try it and we decided to build a model. Today I figured out that we paid 17000 NOK just for cutting the slices. Add my 40 hours of producing the final part and this is getting quite expensive. Add the test that will be done in the towing tank in Trondheim and this is getting really expensive. No way I would have ended up doing that by myself just out of curiosity. And well yes, the next test is delayed, but it's still going to happen. I'll get my curiosity satisfied, I'll get to the lesson.

And I can't be with all the people I love but I can still be there for them and care for them. And I'm still surrounded by people I love every day. In the end, the core realization behind the relief that I just felt is outlined beautifully in a quote by Winston Churchill:

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.