The Three Outlooks: Understanding and Appreciating Others Viewpoint For A Harmonious Life
I always believe that we can understand the same concept ever deeper when we repeatedly hear it described by different people. So I'm sharing this Chinese article on something you may have known before, but may you gain a deeper comprehension by the end of it.
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(Translated and summarised from: https://zhuanlan.zhihu.com/p/34081489)
The Three Outlooks are the outlook on life, values, and world outlook. In layman's terms, the outlook on life is how a person should live in his life; values are what is most precious in a person’s life; and the world outlook is what the world is like.
When asked “Which condition is most important to a partner” (one of the sections in a survey done in China), the Three Outlooks unanimously defeated personality, appearance, and finance, ranking first.
Many people were surprised by this result, but when you think about it carefully, the Three Outlooks are really important.
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In regards to having agreement in the Three Outlooks, it does not require that your interests, preferences and ways of thinking be exactly the same; but that you can seek a common ground while reserving differences, and know how to tolerate, understand and appreciate.
Otherwise, when you share happiness with him, he would think you are showing off; when you and him talk about sadness, he thinks you are hypocritical. It’s tiring to get along with people who don’t agree with the Three Outlooks, because he doesn’t understand you at all.
Tell him that the sea is so beautiful, and he commented that you didn’t know how many people have drowned here;
You plan to spend $90 to watch a play, and he says the money is enough to watch 10 movies.
Something that seems logical to you, in his eyes, appears unthinkable.
It is difficult for you to change his perception, and he will not understand your thoughts. You will never be on the same frequency, and it is naturally tiring to get along with each other.
Especially when it comes to spending money, where conflicts of the Three Outlooks breaks out most often.
[Here the author shared an anecdote of how a couple fought over their holiday decisions]
This is common in life. From the coffee worth a few dollars, to the car worth tens of thousands, lots of marriage spirals into big arguments from the difference in spendings.
In the noise (of disagreements over which tour package to take for vacation), we forgot our original intention.
In fact, our original intention may be very aligned. It may be looking for a place to relax under the pressure of life and work, or looking for a place to have a romantic trip as a couple...
But when intention ran into a disagreement in regards to the Three Outlooks, the curtain fell in tragedy.
As time passed, no one remembered the original intention of the holiday vacation, or even the original intention of marriage!
Although they are all small things, they become exhausted in the eyes of people who do not agree with the three views, and become comfortable in the eyes of people with the same three views.
Hence, find someone with agreeable Outlooks as yours.
He may to play games, but also supports you in reading books;
He may like to stay at home, but yet willing to listen to you sharing interesting stories of your travel;
He likes to make skewers and go to food stalls, but he can also accompany you into western restaurants.
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It is said that love comes second: not getting tired (of each other) even after a long time is foremost.
A lifetime is really long. Money and appearance may only determine whether you can be together, but the Three Outlooks determine whether you are suitable to go on.
The cores of the Three Outlooks are understanding, tolerance and communication, and these are what most marriages lack now. We all want to dominate or even control each other, but we often forget that everyone is an independent individual. The more we control, the farther the other party is from us; the quarreling, mutual satire, cold war and other issues will intensify and eventually lead to emotional breakdown.
If you have the same outlook on life, you will not turn your home into a battlefield because of different lifestyles;
If the concept of money is the same, there will be no conflicts due to money issues;
If you have the same values in life, you won’t have nothing to talk about from not having a common language;
If the educational concept is the same, there will be no disagreements on child education, causing parents and children to be unhappy!
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If you are not married yet, please find someone who is as close as possible to your Three Outlooks;
If you are already married, but the other party does not agree with your Outlooks, please strive to communicate, understand and tolerate, participate in learning together, grow together, in order for both your Outlooks to grow ever closer.
The best marriage is one that has a common direction and from there working hard to grow together, so as to make feelings more harmonious, and life better.