to me, forever ago

so maybe you're tired of waiting around. tired of waiting for your life to finally begin. but you're stuck in a cycle of self hatred, stuck in stasis. all roads lead to Rome, but your mind keeps lying to you. whispering in your ear that you're going around in circles, that the loop will never end no matter how much you try. so you bleed yourself dry in the privacy of a chatroom full of strangers, with only the taste of your own tinny blood to keep you company. every night you fall apart, unravel at the seams, only to pick up the pieces when the morning breaks. an imperfect attempt at patching your broken self up. and it cuts like a dull knife when you see everyone else around you moving forward with such confidence, shining brightly in their own little moments. creating a youth full of memories.

but maybe just this once, trust that the present you can make the right choice. that there is hope in the future. and even as emotions, people and the bitter, honeyed layers of familiarity you've wrapped yourself in fades away and falls apart, as they inevitably will, you will continually find strength in the little victories and small triumphs of life. that everyone grows at their own pace, and there's nothing wrong with taking just a little bit more time to find yourself. after all, we've still got a long way to go. it'll all make sense when you're older.

at least, i hope.

but im so scared of getting old.