“Where do you go, when you are lonely”?
I have been married for almost 8 years. All these years lots of changes happened. Obviously like nature takes its course, I have also learned to embrace these changes. I have become more mature, less dramatic, giving less fu*k to the things that bother me. But one thing I could not learn is how to feel less alone. I feel terribly lonely at times.
Loneliness is a disease they say. I do not believe that. I have chosen a life where I have surrounded myself with lots of not-like-minded people. Most of the time I do not find anything to talk about. I have different values than most of them. I have different interests, different expectations from life. Saying that I am not passing any judgment to anyone. I have wonderful groups of friends and family who genuinely cares, who will do their best if I am in need of any help. But that's not enough.
What am I doing then?
- Took multiple drawing lesson between 2015-2017
- Joined an ultimate frisbee team in 2014
- Took a couple of failed attempts to blogging
- Started an Instagram account
- Joined a book club
- Took a dance lesson and hated it.
- I went to a pronunciation class to work on my intonation.
- I went to public speaking meetup so that I can meet and express myself confidently.
- The list still growing.
Whatever I do, I still feel that mund numbing loneliness. Where I want to feel something but I can't. Helplessness pushes me to do something so that I can make myself busy otherwise.
What you do when you are lonely?