Being precedes thinking

I used to go crazy over this awakening busyness until I realized what the problem was.

I’m trying to verify something through the very medium that is being verified to be an illusion.

Let that sink in.

You’re trying to think about being in a state of not thinking/non duality through your thoughts. It’s like fucking for virginity.

Realize that you can be simply aware without thinking.

Let it sink in.

We do not need words to know we are aware. If we are thinking about awareness as a concept, then yes, we need the collectively agreed upon sound we make with our tongues that points to this state.

But if we just want to become aware, all we have to do is.... absolutely nothing.

If I am daydreaming about Rihanna can I really say that I’m aware? Yes and no as I am aware, otherwise how can I be aware of anything, yet it is also true to say that there is no awareness in its purest form as I’m basically engrossed in the object of awareness, enmeshed and having lost the witness.

This is what awakening is at its most basic level:

Emptying the mind of thoughts and becoming aware of awareness itself. This is done simply by relaxing into the present, what is here and now in this moment. You are no longer daydreaming as to miss something happening right in front of you.

In fact, when the daydreaming ceases, we automatically become aware of what IS(in front of our face.) This is because the state of awareness is not an act that is achieved but like the Sun(whether it’s dark or day) something that is Always On.

Now try it.

You are sitting there unawakened because you are still making the same error that I cited(trying to understand awareness through thoughts or trying to see awareness through thinking.) Again, awareness is not something we do but something that just happens; something that is always on like the Sun.

Lastly I’ll say that there is a chance that some of us have either forgotten or never knew what being simply aware(which I am arguing is awakening essentially) ‘feels’ like.

Well here’s the goodnews: Again, it’s impossible not to be aware so that means you were aware all of this time; And if awareness of what Is(in front of your face) defines awakening, that means awakening doesn’t change anything in reality, just shifts our perception.

This is why it is said in Buddhism that Enlightenment isn’t an achievement but a realization of what Is. And whether we knew it or not, and whether we get to know it in this lifetime, we already are what we so fervently wanted to become.

There is a joke in there somewhere.



from here

But I must explain to you how all this mistaken idea of denouncing of a pleasure and praising pain was born and I will give you a complete account of the system, and expound the actual teachings of the great explorer of the truth, the master-builder of human happiness. No one rejects, dislikes, or avoids pleasure itself, because it is pleasure, but because those who do not know how to pursue pleasure rationally encounter consequences that are extremely painful. Nor again is there anyone who loves or pursues or desires to obtain pain of itself, because it is pain, but occasionally circumstances occur in which toil and pain can procure him some great pleasure. To take a trivial example, which of us ever undertakes laborious physical exercise, except to obtain some advantage from it? But who has any right to find fault with a man who chooses to enjoy a pleasure that has no annoying consequences, or one who avoids a pain that produces no resultant pleasure?

On the other hand, we denounce with righteous indignation and dislike men who are so beguiled and demoralized by the charms of pleasure of the moment, so blinded by desire, that they cannot foresee the pain and trouble that are bound to ensue; and equal blame belongs to those who fail in their duty through weakness of will, which is the same as saying through shrinking from toil and pain. These cases are perfectly simple and easy to distinguish. In a free hour, when our power of choice is untrammeled and when nothing prevents our being able to do what we like best, every pleasure is to be welcomed and every pain avoided. But in certain circumstances and owing to the claims of duty or the obligations of business it will frequently occur that pleasures have to be repudiated and annoyances accepted. The wise man therefore always holds in these matters to this principle of selection: he rejects pleasures to secure other greater pleasures, or else he endures pains to avoid worse.

At the urinal pissing and your co-worker takes the next stall

“The world is like a ride in an amusement park, and when you choose to go on it you think it's real because that's how powerful our minds are. The ride goes up and down, around and around, it has thrills and chills, and it's very brightly colored, and it's very loud, and it's fun for a while. Many people have been on the ride for a long time, and they begin to wonder, “Hey, is this real or is this just a ride?”

And other people have remembered, and they come back to us and say, “Hey, don't worry; don't be afraid, ever, because this is just a ride.”

And we ... kill those people. “Shut him up! I've got a lot invested in this ride, shut him up! Look at my furrows of worry, look at my big bank account, and my family. This has to be real.” It's just a ride. But we always kill the good guys who try and tell us that, you ever notice that? And let the demons run amok ... But it doesn't matter, because it's just a ride. And we can change it any time we want. It's only a choice. No effort, no work, no job, no savings of money. Just a simple choice, right now, between fear and love. The eyes of fear want you to put bigger locks on your doors, buy guns, close yourself off. The eyes of love instead see us all as one.

Here's what we can do to change the world right now, to a better ride. Take all the money we spend on weapons and defenses each year and instead spend it on feeding and clothing and educating the poor of the world, which it would pay for may times over, not one human being excluded, and we could explore space, both inner and outer, forever, in peace.

Co-worker: *zip* “K.” *flush*


When i touch you i can feel you shivering I can feel your heart I can feel your heart When i touch you i can feel you shivering I can feel your heart I can feel your heart

When i touch you i can feel you shivering I can feel your hear I can feel your heart

I can feel your heart I can feel your heart

I can feel your heart is beating fast Here all alone is this crowded room Watching like there is something happening Like something that should never be

Student: What prevents me from experiencing my innermost self?

Teacher: Nothing.

Student: Then why don’t I experience it?

Teacher: Fear.

Student: So, then fear prevents me?

Teacher: Nothing prevents you.

Student: But didn’t you just say that fear is the reason I can’t experience this state of consciousness?

Teacher: Yes, but it does not prevent you.

Student: Then what does?

Teacher: Nothing.

Student: Then what role does fear play?

Teacher: If you are in prison, what do you fear most when you dream of being liberated?

Student: Returning to prison... So, you’re saying that I fear experiencing my inmost self because I will return to my ignorance.

Teacher: No. I am saying that your fear of ignorance holds you in ignorance.

Student: I’m confused. I thought you were saying that I feared the experience of my highest self, but now it sounds like you’re saying that I fear my human self. Which is it?

Teacher: You fear the return to your human self after experiencing the God-fragment within you.

Student: Why?

Teacher: If you are thirsting in the desert, what is it that you desire above all else?

Student: Water?

Teacher: So if I gave you a glass of water, you’d be satisfied?

Student: Yes.

Teacher: For how long?

Student: Okay. I see your point. What I would desire above all else is to be near water so I could drink whenever I wanted, or better yet, I would want to leave the desert entirely.

Teacher: And if you loved the desert, wouldn’t you fear to leave it?

Student: You’re saying that I fear the experience of my inmost self because I would want to leave this world behind, but how can I fear this when I have no experience of it whatsoever?

Teacher: This is not the fear that floods your body when someone is about to kill you. It is the fear of a shadow so mysterious, ancient, and primordial that you know immediately that it transcends this life and this world, and its knowing will change you irrevocably.

Student: So it’s really this change that I fear?

Teacher: It’s the irrevocability of the change that you fear.

From here.

“So, let me get this”, the booming authoritative voice spoke out: “You had the chance to do whatever you wanted, to create whatever kind of reality and local universe you could, and you…spent it all hydrating horses?”

It hit you like a ton of bricks, but each brick was made out of its own component ton of bricks, each made out of more bricks. There was no more reality. There was only bricks extending endlessly in spiral patterns of fractal beauty. You reached up a hand to gesture at the wild greater unknown, but you realized that it had been done 5 minutes from now.

You knew the truth. Everything was truly an illusion. It was all bricks. It was always bricks. It will always be bricks. It has always been bricks. There was never anything but bricks arranged in such fine arrangements that their interactions created the quantum fields that defined what you ended up interpreting as the grand experiment of reality in your frame of existence. The utter meaninglessness of it all was the most comforting thought that hit you.

You would say everything turned into a brilliant white light, but that wouldn’t begin to describe the color, texture, taste, sight, sound, thought, aether, and other senses you couldn’t even begin to describe unfold as you started to experience All as it truly is.

It was/is/will be the kind of thing the Buddha would stay silent for. You never really understood why until now.

Student: How is the world magic when I still can't play youtube in the background of my phone for free?

Teacher: The world is magic because you can't do that. It is restriction that gives rise to art.

And art is an integral part of magic.

If the world had no limits there would be no purpose. The entire universe would exist in the blink of an eye, with no time to be experienced. Time is the very thing that keeps everything from happening at once.

Embrace the barriers placed around you for they are the very things that construct the maze of choices that give meaning to your life.

Consider this situation: I'm a regular person walking down a regular street with a regular brain. I think thoughts, and those thoughts are mine, they belong to me, there is no question of that fact.

I have not developed any ability in my mind to differentiate the source of my thoughts, there is no reason to. If I think, if I hear or feel anything, it is either a sense or my thoughts. Like how a person who has never rode a bike cannot just start biking around with skill, I cannot just begin to differentiate my thoughts with ease.

This is what you do when you begin to force. Like a person who wants to ride a bike, you need to find a way to develop this mental capability, you have to learn to create differentiation between the idea of “this thought is me” and “this thought is not me. Like a person learning to ride a bike, you are going to fall. Like a person learning to ride a bike, you are going to keep falling randomly for years and years to come.

This is doubt. When you have a thought, you have that process go off in your mind, and you just can't quite put your finger on “is that me?”. You can't quite identify, can't quite pick out the needed information to come to that conclusion, so you get stuck. You don't know the answer, in that moment, to if it is really you or your tulpa speaking in that moment.

But here's what you do know.

In the past, before you started forcing, this doubt rarely was a factor in your life. Before you learned about tulpamancy, before you began to force, you never had that doubt. Today, after you have forced, after you have spent time working on making a tulpa, you are finding the question of “is this my tulpa” being difficult to answer, rather than automatic.

That speaks for itself, I think. Doubt is the moment I think people should be able to say “I have a tulpa” with all the confidence of knowing they do. The moment you feel that doubt, the moment you realize you don't quite know sometimes if it was you speaking or not is the moment you know for sure that the forcing and activities you have gotten involved with are changing the way you think. When you feel that doubt, you know that the assumptions you are making about your mind and thoughts have changed.

Do not take doubt as a sign of lack of progress, but as a sign of progress, the first step. The mechanisms that cause you to doubt grow into the mechanisms that allow conversation with one's tulpa, they are not signs that such mechanisms do not exist. Doubt is the signs of the beginning, a foundation you will build on, not a sign of rot or corruption that needs to be gotten rid of or destroyed.

From: https://www.reddit.com/r/Tulpas/comments/55pcq8/doubt_is_good/

There was once a young Discordian called Golden Rod. Early in his illumination, he wondered what season his country was in.

Perhaps it was in the season of Discord, on the cusp of Bureaucracy. Surely, Order was rising to noxious levels.

Or perhaps it was already Bureaucracy, on the cusp of Aftermath. Surely, Disorder was rising to obnoxious levels.

So in his quest for An Answer, Golden Rod sought out the Discordian monk Nopants. Nopants dwelled in a basement because it would be obscene for him to go outside. Golden Rod freed himself from his leggings and descended the stairs. Below, Nopants sat on a cushion in a gross lotus position.

“My wise friend Nopants, I have come to ask you a question,” said Golden Rod, “What is Bureaucracy?”

“In India,” said Nopants, “they tie elephants to trees using thin cords. An elephant could easily snap the cord, yet they remain tethered in place. Why do you think this is?”

Golden Rod itched himself and shrugged.

“When the elephant is young,” intoned Nopants, “she is too weak to break the cord. She tries, but eventually she gives up. When the elephant grows up, she does not try to escape her puny bonds because she believes she will fail.”

“So the cord isn't the thing keeping the elephant in place,” said Golden Rod. He squinted at Nopants, “That's very interesting, but what does that have to do with Bureaucracy?”

“Bureaucracy,” said Nopants, “is waiting for a red traffic light in the middle of the night when no one is coming.”

Across space and time, a gong sounded.

Golden Rod left the basement and returned to the real world, thoroughly confused. As he drove home, he ran five red lights. His mirth rose with each light. By the end of the voyage he was giggling like a ninny at his newfound freedom.

Years went by and Golden Rod continued drive towards Aftermath. He ignored stop signs, blew through red lights, and opened his moon roof despite danger of falling rocks.

“Sweet Merciful Ass!” cried out Bung-Fu the Fool as he clawed at the dashboard. “You're gonna get us both killed!”

“Nonsense! I am self-emancipated from these mundane traffic laws,” cackled Golden Rod. “I am a harbinger of Aftermath!”

“Do you always drive like this?” said Bung-Fu as he buckled his seat belt.

Golden Rod nodded. “Always.”

Meanwhile, the monk Nopants was wheeling his gong across the street towards his basement. He patiently waited for the light to turn red, then pushed the ponderous percussive instrument upon the pavement.

The collision made the exact sound of enlightenment.


From Within


  • Do not blindly believe the views others hold just because others hold them without questioning why
  • Try lots of things (even if you might be against them at first) and see what works
  • Do more of what works
  • Help others when it makes sense to
  • Love the life you are given, even when you hate it

No Blind Faith

It is a sad thing in my opinion that people will blindly believe in things just because other people do. People will adopt their core views as they do and then never question or change them, even when those views come into direct conflict with information or experiences they are having. This is frustrating to watch externally and internally. We don't need to do this, so I propose that we don't have any blind faith in anything. To quote the Principia Discordia: “It is my firm belief that it is a mistake to hold firm beliefs”.

Question the reason behind beliefs. Don't just blindly repeat things without rationale. Don't take any string of text on a screen more seriously just because it's on a screen. Even this string of text. Don't takethis seriously unless it helps you. Don't get scammed by energy healing teachers and books. Seriously, there's so many scams out there it breaks my heart. Any price for entry is too high.

Try Many Things, Do What Works

Chaos Magick [1] differs from other forms of magical practice in that the core of it is that the belief of the practitioner is what is truly doing anything. In the Chaos Magick view, there is no ultimate truth. It could all be spiritual, it could be a psychological truth, the point is it doesn't matter. A chaos magician can be realist, nihilist, psychologist, any of it. It doesn't matter.

You know what, screw it, let's make four piles of things you can absorb information from. Let's call them the “inbox” “working” and “i don't get it”, and “meh”. The “inbox” is the default dumping ground of new ideas, methods, philosophies and tools. When you feel bored, pull something off the top of the inbox and then take a look through it. Make a glossary of common terms and acronyms.

Now, when you get to a method, skill or some kind of obviously repeatable thing, try it. Take it at face value for a moment and just try it in the context of its system. If it works, take that information, paste or whatever and put it in your “working” folder. Put the rest in “I don't get it” or “meh” depending on your reactions to trying the things.

Do More of What Works

When you find something that works, great! This is a signal that you should probably do more of it, depending on the nature of the thing working or the nature of the thing in general. If it's some kind of breathing technique, try and make it your default (I personally have very deep breaths as my default, people that I work with comment on that frequently) and see how it helps you. If it's a method of thinking, try adopting it in parallel to your default.

Help Others When it Makes Sense

We're all pretty much as lost as anyone else in this stuff, to be honest. Recognize this. Embrace it, even. Other people are gonna be confused about things and may require additional guidance or explanation. Take this time to learn how to explain, summarize, and all of that better for the people you are helping and yourself.

We're all in this together. Try and brighten the path when possible. You individually may not be able to do much, but the next step will be just that little bit more clearer for the next person who walks down it.

Flow in compassion Release what is divine Like cells awakening We spark the others who walk beside us. We brighten the path.

Flow in compassion In doing this we are one being Calling the rays of light To descend on all. We brighten the path.

Flow in compassion Bring the healing of your deepest self Giving what is endless To those who believe their end is in sight. We brighten the path. We brighten the path.

  • Flow in Compassion – James

Love Your Life

You may look at this heading and be like “dude, wtf? My life is a mess, I have $PROBLEMS though”. The truth is that the problems are just transient. Even the ones that you think are “permanent”.

Forgiving the past for not happening as you'd expect it to is a very good idea if your ideology allows for it.


kas mak fa /kas mak fa/

Explanation of the name.