It is only through the rarest of charity that I am not destitute now. Not even the predatory loan operators will offer me a chance. I have failed somewhere in the transition between adolescence and adulthood. There have been at times in my life when I showed distinct promise. I was fairly gifted academically and athletically but this was always surpassed by some intrinsic trait of determination. When I have succeeded above others, it has always been because I was willing to work harder and longer than them. A type of useful stubbornness I likely inherited from my mother?

There have been times in my life when I have offered those around me a glimmer of hope that I would turn out alright. That somehow things would be ok. I never failed to take these opportunities to crush this delicate belief.

At some point, I will be thrown to the sharks, I know. That time is fast approaching. Perhaps I will fight or perhaps I will just float. Or maybe I will just slip silently beneath the waves downwards towards my own destruction.