I want to feel more useful, but all I want to do is play games, just because it's like the only thing that properly entertains me; it's also the only thing that doesn't stress me out as much, although it does frustrate me because of how I can suck at it and for other reasons too. I am also dealing with personal issues so I guess I can't really do much of anything until these are resolved.
Here are the projects I wish to embark on, some more ambitious than others – this list may not be exhaustive:
Learn Go – I kinda like how it works, and how it's only slightly more difficult than Python syntactically in my opinion. The most use I could get out of this so far is to possibly use it with several open source projects that interest me and matter to me like IPFS, gomuks (a Matrix client), fyne (a UI toolkit) and g3n (a game engine). I do find it a little annoying though at least as someone who's most fluent in Python conventions – I am aware of static typing and other conventions as I've used C# and a little bit of C++, but there are best practices I'm not aware of, and I find it necessary but a little annoying to have to try and learn them. For instance, I'm finding understanding error handling a little frustrating and annoying – I've used it at most with Python, which takes on the form of try-catch errors.
Learn Rust – I've heard lots of good things about it and how it's sometimes deemed to be a decent alternative (or at the very least a complement) to languages such as C or C++. I believe it's only marginally easier (or much easier, but a little more difficult than most other languages that especially use the C++-based object-oriented paradigm and some others that don't). I don't currently see much use cases for it that matter to me.
Learn more Python – I sadly don't see much preferred use cases for it except to replace Bash in my personal workloads when it somehow refuses to work on one little thing. It also is slow especially compared to even Go, and for some reason I kind of prefer the relative independence from C that Go and Rust have.
If I want to be a good programmer I should learn more than one programming language, but I wish to specialize for some reason; I guess it's so that I can be less scatterbrained with my programming knowledge. I find programming inspiring in that I kind of have some power because it lets me control a computer, a device that can perform tasks like calculations and data analysis much faster than a human can, and even create works of art.
Learn 3D modeling with Blender – I want to create 3D models especially to create works of art that I can claim as my own, share widely and express what I want that I feel seems to be largely missing in the world of art, like gender non-conformity. I could always try simpler and more traditional art mediums, but I prefer the versatility of 3D models (namely with how they can be viewed from multiple perspectives) and I don't like the art style I seem to inherently have. I feel that it's incredibly daunting for me right now.
Develop a game or two – I should be the most familiar with this as I've done this as part of studies (albeit with proprietary game engines). I'm planning to learn how to program with Armory3D but I find using Blender complicated. I'm aware of Godot game engine, which is far easier for me, although I kind of want a challenge and something more graphically appealing than what Godot is capable of. I've heard that games like Pavlov VR have been developed by one person, and I would wish to be like such a person (simply because I prefer to work alone), but there'd be too much for me to learn that I'd be willing to get engaged with (e.g. 3D modeling). I can mitigate this somewhat by releasing my game under an open source license at the very least – it would be nice to have the gameplay idea I have personally manifested to be out there, but not as much the fact that I couldn't decide on something like artistic direction.
Learn a new language and/or continue learning languages – I don't like that I'm fluent only in English, but I lose motivation to learn languages quite easily for a wide variety of reasons. I also prefer to be by myself or at least feel like I deserve to be by myself much of the time.