f:r:u:c:t:o:s:e

i am terrified of never having stability in my head or outside

is it really so unreasonable to be afraid?

What a wretched way to go

I haven't felt fine since 1999 I haven't been alright for 20 years I haven't felt fine since 1999 I haven't been okay since I was 5

I'm going through a lot right now I'm sick of other people's nostalgia I don't give a fuck about cartoons

it's too late for me to have been someone I've just got to be whatever I've become

imagine buying things on the internet without a second thought

i will start to live a well, small life. or make it stop

“You want to believe that you can control your relationship by preemptively forgiving him every time he hurts your feelings, convincing yourself that you have to show enthusiasm when you think you’re supposed to, and conducting a relationship where you act like you need nothing, only exist to generously and spontaneously give, and act so profoundly and unquestioningly lovable that [there is] no choice but to treat you well.”

“Authority is, of course, a primary source of belief. We spend many years in school, being pushed to master sets of facts provided by authority, most of which we have very limited means to challenge. Similarly, the media bombard us with assertions [...] our most unshakeable beliefs are often those for which we have no direct experiential support, but have come down to us from one authority or another, and are shared by people around us.”

“We all have learned to choose our authorities.”

“we cannot passively accept our role of silent algorithm facilitators—not when our screens are being flooded with hate speech.”

it's getting hard to believe things are real. this is really my life.