I'm so hurt I can't even think to put the words on paper right now. I like to think of myself as a good looking guy. I have givin into things recently that have just got me upside down in my life. I haven't had a drink in a very long time. These things are alot deeper. I have a problem with women I'm very good at striking up the conversation and gaining interest. Recently I met someone that I was getting close. Close to finally letting go of the fear and just jumping. Telling her everything that I think about myself and the world around me. I saw her watching me cut grass at the house building in my shop downstairs while she does her make up. It takes her 3 hours to get ready she knew in this vision/dream that she could tell downstairs and just say she almost ready and I can get ready in 30 minutes or so and be as presentable as I ever could be. I was her man.. we hung out one day and had an amazing time. The next she came over we hooked up and it was amazing. Today we had plans to cook and just hang out at the house. I got ready shaved went to the store and got her her favorite cheese dip and some tenderloin filets. I got a message that she just isnt ready to be what I needed.. I'm currently in my living room stuck between pain and motivation. I have to let go of some of these habits that are killing my soul. I keep looking for something outside to fix a problem going on inside and I need help. God she is amazing. Is it just another? Do I not give up? What's the line between crazy and in love..