2021 was the year I lost my faith. My Christian faith, I mean. I think, but I'm not sure, that most people who lose their Christian faith, do that, because the story is too big for them. How can all of this be true? How can all of this have really happened? Or they lose their faith, because the Christian God is too small. How can God not care? How can God have let this happen?
I lost my Christian faith not because it was too big. It was too small. Christianity is my old pants. They were my favourite for many years, and they kept me save and clothed, but then I started growing again. The pants got tensed. They couldn't expand together with me. Holes started appearing. I kept wearing them but then one day: the big rip. They were no pants anymore, just some fabric. Too many holes to still justify the word pants. I needed to find something bigger to wear.
I still believe the Christian story. Most of it, or all of it, I'm not sure which one. There's so much beauty in it. So much hope. So much joy. But I discovered bigger truths. In Christianity, I had one life and would suffocate in eternal bliss afterwards. Now I have infinitive lives, and I go in and out of eternal bliss as often as I please.
In Christianity, I had to believe in one (three) God named Jesus. I never stopped believing Jesus is God. I'm just... I can't accept Him as the only one any more. Everywhere around me I see Gods. Gods that are here to give me something. To teach me something. Gods just here to enjoy that eternal bliss together with me.
My God is not too small for Christianity. It's too big. My God is the whole universe. My God is every person in the universe. Every object even. Every star and every spec of dust. Every bus and every mountain. Everywhere I look, I see God.
In Christianity, God created me, and the purpose was for Them, I needed to praise or serve or something. In My New Faith, I am God. I created myself. My purpose is whatever I choose it to be. Right now, my purpose is eternal bliss.
I became human because, as God, I could only Know, but not Experience. As human, for many years, I experienced, but didn't Know. It's an infinitive travel. I go from Knowing to Experiencing, from Experience back to Knowing. But you know what's so great about the infinity symbol? The lines meet. Every life cycle there are times I Know I'm Experiencing. And I Experience that I'm Knowing. Every now and then I'm complete. I'm on my way to one of these moments now. I can already feel its Bliss radiating in all directions of my life.
The day I lost my Christian faith, is the same day I started encountering eternal bliss. I lost something precious to me, but I found something so much better. And this is just the beginning!