To sum up year 2022, I fled my homeland, lost investments, neat salary and most of belonging, met wonderful friends and married. Last points did made life wonderful despite all the mortal horrors ongoing nearby.

Currently I'm busy making decent salary in a tricky and mediocre way (while keeping sanity), closely watching chainlink of red tape keeping me from swimming over to Japan (and also handling red numbers, the second deterring factor) and severing my connection with wonderful and ludicruos State spewing hate toward it's recent expatriants.

It is an enlightening experience.

Three travel cases for two of us, and we left. Now I'm ejoying Central Asian cuisine and consumer prices, together with funny internet restrictions, unprivileged status of temporary visitor, unstable decline of remaining savings' currency and dimishing list of countries accepting people with passports of my color. But there's no discrimination or oppression here, only the usual red tape. Beats being dead, conscripted or jailed.

My 2012 ThinkPad with Manjaro (long overdue for replacement) still manages to make me employable and functional, thanks to FOSS communities and open web. I also got a budget Sony phone, it is ergonomic and wonderful. Free time is spent reading on local processes and colonial history, studying Economics 101, improving local maps with OSM and maps of the Global South with OSM and HOT. This is the scope of my community work.

It became clear my worldview is more liberal than I expected. Together with my funny ethnicity and appreciation for globalism politically I'm a perfect enemy of the State. Ironically, that standing does not at all affect policies of the closest Free World countries, which by default treat me and my compatriots as unwanted elements and so very caringly restrict the available business and visa scope. My current economic standing is somewhere between a refugee and a moneybag-class expat (way more to the left, frankly speaking), and I fell strongly that international solidarity suffers when immigration policy has leevay only for those who qualify for golden visas or real estate in Middle East or Cyprus. But this seems obvious enough to don't get into it much.

With that, Gokigen-2022 out. Want to ask or discuss something?

Feel free to mail me at... [imitating radio cypher voice] ★ｇｏｋｉｇｅｎ☮ｄｉｓｒｏｏｔ☆ｄｏｔ☆ｏｒｇ★ Have a position where where Russian / Japanese / English language comprehension will be of help? Want that weird 4koma manga, retro OVA or obscure interview translated? Need somebody to check UI or wording consistency? Forming an international thintank with excess liquidity? I'm humbly yours.

Discovered Zettlr – very nice and customizable, many rough corners (as of version 1.7.5). Disabled markdown tables to avoid data loss, now busy reminiscenting and sorting films I've watched over last years. Potentially useful for research in tandem with Zotero.

• Practicing guitar once again made my fingertips ironclad and improved typing speed on the left hand. Luckily I had all the tools I needed to fix stock going awry due to weather change.

• My groundwork for thesis is 80% complete. Currently struggling in finishing last chapter of the draft. Advice: If you’re going to translate light novels for your thesis, try to read it beforehand – otherwise you’re up for surprises and possibly some embarrassment.

• Now I use posteo.de as main personal mail provider and can recommend it to you!

• I now have most guitar effects I’ve ever wanted – still wishing I’ve bought some line selector and of course the Space Echo, but otherwise my humble collection now has everything except fuzz. A pity they’re now hard to exchange with the lockdown and all.

• No More Heroes is hilarious and good in both world-building and in game design. No idea what gears are turning in Suda Goichi’s head, but his games makes never disappoint.

• Another time-killer I absolutely love is Deep Strange Journey which manages to encompass all I love in SMT series and at the same time it it abundant with content and comes in a modern design. Really what I needed for my vocabulary practice.

• My ISP finally agreed to cut the internet-television I never used: “...oh but wouldn’t you like to watch television when you’re outside with family on vacation or maybe out in the country?” “Gross! TV is against my religion, lady” “Oh…”

• Fun fact: many ISPs in Russia promised to continue providing internet access until pandemic is over, even for customers in debt and to boost connection speeds when possible. P2P networks should be thriving now.

• I’ve gotten some furniture (a SHELF and a DESK with a CHAIR, no less!) and now life is a constant struggle of arrangement stuff. I discovered my hate for monitor stands – thank dog I only have one. Designed special shelf for monitor, audio interface, consoles, keyboard and plan to talk woodworking friend into a deal once his workshop reopens. Maybe the cheaper option would be finding more ergonomic keyboard, but my ThinkPad’s keys are too nice to abandon.

• Headphones’ jack seems to be broken from constant use. Solder times await.

• Really enjoying changing 3DS’ cartridges. But loose-by-design screen hinge is still killing me sometimes.

• Working out almost everyday and have cut food intake – not really as means to survive in upcoming fighting over supplies, just for the feel of it. Constant confinement really puts stress on psyche and posture which are really important to keep in shape.

• Glad it’s finally getting warm outside! And the weather is feral – wind speed up to 20 m/s. I haven’t seen downpours like these since typhoon autumn in Japan. Good smell of blooming trees makes me reminiscent of childhood – but so do empty streets.

Took me much longer to write it, as expected. Staying confined is hard – especially for those with a lot of work on their hands and neurotical or depressed people. Wishing you all the best, folks!

As everyone in the capital was wholeheartedly warned to not leave their homes unless necessary there are now police cars with loudspeakers, social transport cards are disabled, and apparently in a couple of days harsh fees and punishments are going to be mandated. An in the first official quarantine week we’re going to be lab rats for pin-pointing already functioning mass surveillance (in Moscow, that's public transport face surveillance + transport card tracking + glonass/GPS 'emergency system' mandatory for all modern cars + phone location mapping in the whole Federate District ...why did i bother to write all that in a parenthesis gosh) to suppress and punish basically anyone having no business at home (or any officially established home at all). That makes me a probable suspect bound to be arrested if I go to my parents or to my irregular job – which is ironic since I’ve got to attend interviews this week. Regrettably, this disaster occurred in the middle of my prospective job project, now suspended furniture delivery, me buying bike to outspeed law enforcement footmen so I’m grounded to my desk-free room with no options except to break the law (yeah!), squeeze money out of the internet and make music. Not that bad actually, just boring. And gotta smuggle them drums into the city somehow

To the newspoints: * (finally) liberated phone with lineageos * finally changed mail to posteo * preparing room for renewal * revived tablet that slept for 9 months, removed unfree packages via adb * donated last dollars to individual foss developers * updated to Gnome 3.36 and feel as happy as when the 4.0 kernel got released * started teaching my singing teacher japanese * most of the delivery services are discounted/free, quite nice if you happened to have money * moscow’s air is probably at it’s cleanest since 1941 * all national mail offices are suspended * i'm probably not returning to the uni until autumn

Maybe that recess of production and international transit will bring us back to that golden age our parents and grandparents striven for — which we could never before reach, because of all affluence and layers of unavoidable technical overcomplications. New 80s will give way to the 50s and someday to new 60s. We will have a chance to throw our boulders at the uniformed people. Many will realize that pillar holding our society has crumbled beyond any repair, and taking loan after a loan to insure it will not save us in the end game.

Maybe new virus can hasten the disruption already seeded by discovery of electricity — energy that does not necessarily destroy its origin. As the oil demand will plummet, it will have only one application left — that is, the original — being the fuel of war. But will future oil wars have any meaning? When oil and power will stop equating, what will the militarymen do? And what warlords will do, when their only treasure becomes obsolete, valueless artifact? I have no idea, but I think we will move to the next era once the dollar and oil barrels become obsolete and find their rest on the graveyard of the things past. My prayers are, weapons, soldiers, clergyman and propagandists will also follow suit after the loss of their true blood.

Back from the fantasy land — hopefully this recession will change re-distribution of wealth. People raised in affluent societies may faint at the notion of recession, yet halted factories and at least temporal decline of corporative growth is just what the humankind and the earth require. In that case, all the panic will be for the best.

Does that mean that in the future, we’ll see new make-believe pandemics, made up by individuals who think like I do, made unverifiable by the global-wide resonating of unintelligent propaganda machines? Sure hope we do! Until then, take care — and produce good wealth out of what you have at hand.

P.S. only buy used

By the end of next month I’m going to leave Japan for an unknown while and I’m quite nostalgic — all days of this month are crossed out and marked as either sweatshop or exams. Next month would be the time to meet everyone happy to see me and then shed some farewell tears. And petty stuff like souvenirs documents mail parcels of stuff and oh so much more melancholic stuff I’m not thinking about it now.

For anyone expecting frequent updates (for reasons unbeknownst) – don’t get your hopes high! — until I will be ready to write in retrospect from the noisy comfort of my old home. I have a pocketful of drafts waiting to be drafted (pun included) but I can’t like them just now to edit fill-up and send off unto the internet.

This week I had a funny dream about having sex with one acquaintance. What’s funny about that? Actually, it’s my surprise to it. We’re not close with this person and I don’t really consider that person as attractive (to me) — nor in personal, nor in bodily senses of that word. And sex between us seems absurd to me — I have a wild imagination when it comes to human relationships and trust me — in no multi-verse we would reach that point of intimacy (no, not even alien abduction and human zoo could result in that). So the dreaming coitus ends with me having woke up laughing — if not for that laugh, I would probably be quick to repress that hazy memory and conceal the quickly-rising shame of such thoughts — and including other person being totally clueless about it, no less. But laughter is often much more powerful than hundred-year old cultural imprints — and thanks to it I’m able to tell that story today.

What really is noteworthy is not the dream and not my reaction to it, but the change of heart which I noticed in my feelings toward that other slightly-involved person. To keep the identity and my character in the dark, I will keep it short — our relationships improved, keeping the same distance. I don’t feel the tension that arose between us during communication earlier — it is just like becoming friends with the person who constantly made you mad for a long time, etc during school college kindergarten or maybe even military service. I feel that I accept that person, even though there’s no real reason behind it.

And that does really feel wonderful — maybe that is what some traditions call “heart chakra”, the ability to love other human beings indiscriminately. It’s also quite possible that this kind of result was the goal of the “imagine everyone naked” advice, once prominent in western cultures of the 20th century.

I’m not encouraging you to induce that kind of dreams with all people who make you mad or nervous — but on the second thought, that would be quite a fun idea! — but nonetheless I do think that this kind of experience helps people learn to accept their most awkward and intimate dreams — and most importantly accept the other people.

Preface: While the original book is easy to find and pretty fun to read, it’s language and mindset can be easily interpreted as aggressive to skeptical readers who probably won’t get far — personally I enjoy ‘quack scientist’-styled prose, especially when both illustrations and grammar are naive and touching, be that made on purpose or on occasion, but It’s the kind that is really not popular when you recommend it to people. But it’s methods are great — please do try them out for yourself.

If you have time to spare for self-exploration, please start with Experiments 1 and 2. If you’re in a hurry to escape the stress and jump into more conscious state of mind — slow down just a little, read the next disclaimers: 1. Meditate before eating, or wait for 2-3 hours after eating a heavy meal. It is also best if the bladder and bowels have been emptied before you start your work. 2. Make sure you have no problems with hyper-ventilation, since this technique requires breathing rapidly for a couple of minutes. ...and begin straight from Method I.

Before we get into the first segment of this technique let me make you aware of some facts. Constant mental chattering or thought creates tensions. When you are thinking your voice box moves ever so slightly as thoughts are flowing through your mind. In addition, the jaw moves slightly, as well as the tongue and the eyes. In fact, as stated before there is a fine state of tension when we are thinking. So to achieve true Mindlessness, we first must become aware of the facial, throat, and neck tension which are associated with thinking.

EXPERIMENT I

Sit or lie down in a quite place and allow yourself to “think” about anything. Notice how and where your thinking is experienced. Notice what motions and tensions exist in your face-neck-throat area. After you have completed this, “think” about something unpleasant and notice if there is any difference. Now try “thinking” about something pleasant and make the same notations. Once you are thoroughly aware of this, attempt the following:

EXPERIMENT II

Lie down and do not move. Just breathe normally with your eyes closed. Now become aware and describe out loud for 15 minutes every sensation and muscle twitch in your body. Become aware that tension exists all around and within you. These two experiments should be tried three times over a week to help you verify that tension is thought — thought is tension. This will require 45 minutes — 15 minutes for each trial. If you do not experience the voice box — facial sensation, or if you are not aware of anything during experiment II, double the time.

METHOD I

Step 1.

Sit or lie down. Make Faces ~ Stretch all the muscles in the face. Open your mouth as wide as you can, move the jaw from side to side. At the same time open your eyes as wide as you can. Move your eyes up and down and from side to side. This will begin to destroy tension, thereby destroying uncontrolled and extraneous thoughts generated by this area. Make many different faces. Do this for about 2-3 minutes. (A word of caution: While in the end these exercises are meant to reduce and eliminate certain thought patterns, some might find an increase of new thoughts from previously “Hidden” places of the mind. If this is the case don't be concerned, since this will be a fine way to perform “mental house cleaning.”)

Step II.

Hum and Chatter — Hum from the depths of your voice box. Use OM or just MMMM. Do this for 1-2 minutes. Now using your tongue, chatter — DA DA — BA BA BA. Stick out your jaw as far as you can and continue humming and chattering. Do this for 2-3 minutes.

Step III.

Shoulders to Ears — Pull your shoulders up as if you were trying to reach your ears. When they start feeling tired, drop them as low as you can. Repeat this 3 times in 2-3 minute intervals.

Step IV.

Nose Breathing — With your mouth closed take in a deep breath inflating your chest and pulling your stomach up. Be sure to pull the belly in. Hold for a 7 count and then just let the chest fall and the belly relax. Repeat this 10-20 times. Be sure to allow an additional 7 count to elapse before your next inhalation.

Step V.

Turn Head — Now bring your attention to your head and turn it from side to side as far as you can. Repeat for 2-3 minutes.

Step VI.

Leg Stretch — Lying down on your back, hold your legs about 4 inches off the ground and stretch outward. Hold this as long as you can then let them drop. Repeat this 2-3 times.

Step VII.

Quick Breath — With your mouth slightly open breathe rapidly, sighing as you exhale. Do this for 2-3 minutes.

Now lie down and sense and feel your body, for about 10 minutes. Note every sensation you feel.

Now assume a meditative position of your choice making sure that: 1. Your eye lids are not tightly closed, but simply relaxed. 2. Your jaw is relaxed and not tense. Make sure of this by trying to stick out your tongue; if you have to lower your jaw, it was too tightly held. Check your forehead making sure it is not wrinkled. Once you are relaxed, either concentrate on your mantra or point of focus. For those students who do not have a mantra or point, we suggest Dr. Regardie's Mantram tape or simply OOOOOOOOMMMMMMM. 3. Your throat is not blocked by holding your head in the wrong position. Make sure it is straight. In order to reduce thoughts, keep the eyes relaxed and still, with your tongue touching the roof of your mouth. Do not move the larynx and again be sure that your jaw is relaxed.

*** What do you feel? How do you feel? Do you feel? If you feel better that before, do whatever seems good to do — be that stroll, reading, bicycle ride, arts, sports or work. If that technique had burned down the golden temple in your head and you want to file a complaint — feel free — and feel free to contact me.

Ночь пройдет пройдет пора ненастная, солнце взойдет

I’ve found myself at the point when I’m uncomfortable with english in casual conversations. Worries about grammar and proper sentences aside, language just stopped being second-in-line for thinking something up or grasping for similar words. I’m much more comfortable expanding simple questions in Japanese than with getting to the point with English — maybe that's snobbish, or maybe enthusiastic toward my new second main language. To be fair the situation reverses when it comes to written correspondence and texts, but this is always -uncharted-territory- less emotional and more logical — or formal (i.e. ritualistic).

Today I’ve finished the Three Stigmata of Palmer Eldritch which is by all means the most multi-layered book of PKD I’ve read until now and I clearly see how Cronenberg got his ideas and kicks for ExistenZ. Which is one of the best movies made until next century, strongly suggested for viewing. And language-wise that book is full of typical Dick-esque monologues and eerie usage of English — maybe influenced by Coine Greek and most likely by other personal traits of it’s author. If there are other foreigners who consider dialogues in his books similar to the English they compose and speak in their head, I would be delighted to read about your impressions. Especially so if you share Dick’s love of cowboy jargon and that weird language that started to extinct after the Dust Bowl. Reading heals.

To other news: My smartphone is ill and since manufacturers purposely don’t understand the term “software support” it’s prospects are grim — and so are mine because my only options are: 1. Finally-available foss firmware that costs me nothing; 2. second-hand handset that costs money. Both require me to backup re-activate and migrate a lot of data and security anchors back and forth while I’m unreachable for companies and institutions that require them to stay intact and rarely trust means other than material ID and SMS authentification (gross, I know). In bad-case scenario I’m going to lose my bank cards for a couple of months – I probably won’t miss them that much (as long as my cash lasts). In worst case scenario my phone will be bricked – as that’s inevitable sooner or later anyway I suspect that doing nothing promises same tradeoffs. Time will tell.

Another snippets of my personal November: > If you allow your child to use YouTube Kids, > then please note that you are agreeing to the new > Terms on behalf of your child as well. Wow, that is almost as bad as on-birth imposement of laws&duties of the country where poor child had happened to be born! Or loans that are carried to the surviving family members. Makes me wonder how easy it is to manipulate children with targeted advertising. Of course “YouTube kids” sounds pejorative anyway.

• To my email asking “how do I bypass fingerprint lock when my fingerprint scanner is broken” WhatsApp support responded with instructions on how to enable fingerprint scanner to protect my privacy. Feeling grateful.

• And the day has come for me to apply for two job positions by mail and phone. My current idea is making clear the purpose of my info-invasion, the source that suggested me to apply for vacancies and to clearly display interest. Wish me luck & fluency & money & sexy voice, just to be sure.

• Also, you can support the Tor Project fundraiser so maybe I and some third of the Terran population would still be able to communicate with eachother and the outside world in the coming years.