Gringo

The thoughts of a gringo.

I have a new action plan.

If my company doesn't value me, I'm going to rub in their faces just how useful I am, and will leave them anyway.

This will come with the side effect of making me more valuable to new employers.

I don't regret subsuming my personal reputation into that of my business in order to make it better. I don't regret stopping to sell myself in order to focus better on it. But the time for that is past.

This is the bear market. It is time to build. It is time for new opportunities.

Sao Paulo is a mindset drug. It makes you get shit done.

It's harsh. Rough. Disciplined. It bleeds you. But it's a big city. It has the best of the best. It's the human heart of Latin America.

Just from the last few days – the people I've met, the clothes I've worn, the schedule I've had – I've grown new ambitions.

I want to work harder. I want to take on more responsibility. I want to study, learn, read, write, work out, and build a network.

A leadership position is coming up. My cofounder has been tapped to take it over rather than me. It's not like he's not a good leader or worker – he is – I just feel a lot more suited for the role.

I would happily move to an upscale area of SP. I could suck up the energy. Push hard and make something great.

I hate being idle. I hate skipping around.

I want to say what I think. I don't want to wait for a new life to come in order to live my life.

This is a good day.

Little to no headache. Coffee and modafinil in my veins, but I don't feel too dependent on either. Fresh water. Sunny day. I will not get as much work done today as I want to, but I'll see Pão de Açucar with my wife, so that's a lose-win.

My wrist hurts a little bit. I should get it checked out week after next.

I have promised to pay a guy... should do that now. Done.

In my journal I said I wanted to complete all my reachouts today and do some programming. Let's get started.

new budget calculations:

  • -20.250 tax
  • + 2.775 tax savings
  • 4085 credit card bill
  • + 680 Pix
  • -1.680 Rio budget (around 420 a day)
  • -2.000 SP budget (around 360 a day)
  • -3.780 rent and utilities
  • + 2625 rent already paid
  • +1070 condo already paid
  • -1.750 dental resins
  • -600 permanent dental plate
  • -500 Dental consults
  • -1.500 B's teeth glue-in
  • -800 dermatologist consults and meds
  • +20.000 salary after exchange fees (assuming 2% loss)
  • =9.795 shortfall
  • 20250-9.795 = 10.455 tax savings, 9.795 shortfall

june:

  • -25.100 tax
  • +10.455 tax savings
  • -8.000 credit card bill
  • -3.780 rent and utilities
  • -2.000 dental care for B
  • -500 dermatologist
  • +20.000 salary after exchange fees (assuming 2% loss)
  • =8.925 shortfall
  • 10% paid off (870)
  • 25.100-8.925 = 16.175 tax savings, 8.925 shortfall

july:

  • -29.950 tax
  • +16.175 tax savings
  • -8.000 credit card bill
  • -3.780 rent and utilities
  • -1.000 dental care for B
  • -500 dermatologist
  • +20.000 salary after exchange fees (assuming 2% loss)
  • =7.055 shortfall
  • 25% paid off (1870)
  • 29.950-7.055 = 22.895 tax savings, 7.055 shortfall

aug:

  • -34.800 tax
  • +22.895 tax savings
  • -8.000 credit card bill
  • -3.780 rent and utilities
  • -1.000 dental care for B
  • -500 dermatologist
  • +20.000 salary after exchange fees (assuming 2% loss)
  • =5.185 shortfall
  • 35% paid off (1870)
  • 29.950-7.055 = 22.895 tax savings, 7.055 shortfall

sep: – shortfall 3.315 – 55% paid off (1870)

oct: – shortfall 1.445 – 130% paid off (1870)

nov: – shortfall 0 – 100% paid off (1445)


Therefore. If I can limit spending enough over the next 12 months, I can pay off the tax debt before december. Cool.

I can also look for a new income!

Anxiety. Arrived in Rio. Had a good first night and morning. Apartment is awesome. Got up early to do Crossfit. Visited Parque das Lages. B was very happy. I think I expressed a little too much anger in the past 2 days. Churrasco yesterday morning – yelled as I dropped the bottles. Pretended I hurt myself more than I did. Packing the bags – yelled because it wasn't fitting in properly. Today – got frustrated because it was hot. Now my mind doesn't feel like it's working properly. Vish... 15:00. Still time for rest of day. Calma. Don't even have appointments for the next hour and a half. Take off shoes? Or at least loosen them? Good idea. Yes sir. Better. Now, I was dehydrated when I had a piss. Time to drink all my bottle of water and refill it. Wow that's a lot of water. Ok. Now, loosen up the above textblock. Make it more easy to read.


Anxiety.

Arrived in Rio. Had a good first night and morning. Apartment is awesome.

Got up early to do Crossfit.

Visited Parque das Lages. B was very happy.

I think I expressed a little too much anger in the past 2 days. Churrasco yesterday morning – yelled as I dropped the bottles. Pretended I hurt myself more than I did. Packing the bags – yelled because it wasn't fitting in properly. Today – got frustrated because it was hot.

Now my mind doesn't feel like it's working properly.

Vish... 15:00. Still time for rest of day. Calma. Don't even have appointments for the next hour and a half.

Take off shoes? Or at least loosen them? Good idea. Yes sir. Better.

Now, I was dehydrated when I had a piss. Time to drink all my bottle of water and refill it. Wow that's a lot of water. Ok.

Now, loosen up the above textblock. Make it more easy to read.

That helps.

What is stressing me out?

  • Modafinil? Yes – this causes a state of alertness. Great for narrow-minded problem solving. Bad for anxiety.

  • Getting up early, caffeine? Yes and yes, probably this affects me too.

  • Meetings that I don't know I have, fear of missing meetings. FOR SURE.

  • FOMO: Missed opportunities of meetings during this week. Yes.

  • My cough. Persistent for more than 2 weeks. Covid? Smoking induced lung cancer? Are palheiros worse than cigarettes?

  • My acne. It's getting worse and it feels like there's no solution. Why didn't the damn antibiotics kill it?

  • My smell. I didn't change shirts after a long time walking outside. I'm sweaty and I can smell myself which means that others can, right?

  • Money. I already have much less than the 20.250 in tax savings I need to have this month. Feck... and this trip is already proving to be expensive. B's haircut will set me back almost 2k.

  • Leaving my company: do I or don't I? (Lol this should be an easy question. Stick around and go under the radar. They've got more than enough money now to keep me on. No one suffers if I stay on and don't produce much – or at least, I'm a drop in the bucket.)

  • Nothing else I can think of.


Let's resolve them!


  • Modafinil & caffiene: wait it out or drink water. Time to get that refill... done.
  • General anxiety: don't think I can do a beach walk today unless nope I absolutely can. Not now but 17:15. Cool.
  • Hunger: go out now. Come to think of it maybe go to beach too!

... got a salad. I can even make my meeting now. Wow... eating DRASTICALLY reduces my anxiety. Maybe that's all I needed all along. Lol.

  • Meetings I don't know I have: check my schedule, check E's schedule, mark down other commitments I have this week (like clothes shopping), and mark down open slots that I want to fill.

  • FOMO: Use the above open slots to schedule meetings. Make a big reachout (use the contact list spreadsheet) and the pre-filtered telegram list to get a shortlist of contacts and make a reachout to each one.

  • My cough: Use medicine for now, and if it persists, schedule a doctor visit when I get back home. I am due for a doctor checkup anyway. Asked for recommendations.

  • Acne: I got one recommendation of a dermatologist but she's more than double price the one back home. Maybe she's worth it? Don't know? Anything I can do to reduce symptoms? Stop using soap and moisturiser, just wash with water? Or should I eat the $50 extra.

  • My smell: already solved by putting on a clean hoodie.

  • Money: let's do the calculations now.

    • Tax -20.250+9.000 = -11.250 to make up.
    • +650 Pix
    • -2.500 Rio budget (around 420 a day)
    • -2.000 B haircut
    • -2.000 SP budget (around 360 a day)
    • -3.780 rent and utilities
    • -1.750 dental resins
    • -600 permanent dental plate
    • -500 Dental consults
    • -1.500 B's teeth glue-in
    • -800 dermatologist consults and meds
    • +20.000 salary after exchange fees (assuming 2% loss)
    • =6030 shortfall
    • Take out of tax savings: 14.220 remaining, 6030 shortfall.
  • It's not the worst but not the best either.


Ok gotta call coming back soon.

About to start another 2-week trip. Board flight to Rio 16:30. 30 mins to get through security: 16h. 1 hour to get to airport: 15h. Leave home about 14:30. Wake up B to pack bags 13:30.

11:30 right now.

  • I would like to contact all my Rio & SP buddies.
  • I would like to register for Regus.
  • I would like to organise a work schedule for the next week.
  • And fuck it I've got some time to read Central Bank Digital Currencies too.

Now it's 13:15. Let's prepare a list of contacts to reach out to, and prepare a pack list, then we'll be good.

Contacts... exported. Formatting... done. I can register and contact people on the flight. Time to go!


Wes Watson:

Negativity, angst, that internal feeling pulling at you – that is our natural state – we're being summoned to move. Called to something greater.

If you're more negative than others, it's a sign that you're called to something greater than they are.

Wisdom is problems overcome. Negativity inside us is the greatest problem possible.

Feeling like shit... feeling like garbage... and doing something we don't want to do anyway, for a higher purpose – that grows us the most.

Action and self investment breeds self-love and self-respect.

If I died tomorrow... Would I be happy?

It's 10:20pm. I ate too much... almost 2 pastels, a burger, a pack of nuggets, and a sausage. A lot of fat. So I am feeling thirsty and guilty in a way. I want to have less maybe. Eat less. Is that right? I want to eat less?

I get kind of scared of eating too little... I don't want to get skinny and anxious. But I want to eat less. I eat a lot right now. Of everything...

A part of me wants to work a part of me wants to sleep. A part of me would be sad cracking on with any work.


Scratch that! Wes Watson has pumped me up. Thanks Akira

Time for daily planning. All of my compulsory meetings are done.

I have lunch in front of me. I would like to: – Program – Get a new backpack – Crossfit

I would also like to (less urgent): – Do all SS courses – Go through SP, BH, and Rio contacts, and reach out to them on my new whatsapp – Register with R app – Read Central Bank Digital Currencies – Schedule hairdresser gift for B

But I don't give a fuck about the latter items.

Just program. And I already have my todo list. High time I started.

Modafinil seems to work best if I take it consciously, at my desk, right before I'm about to work.

I took mine at 10:50am and it's now 13:20. That's 2 hours and 30 minutes, well enough for effects to kick in, and I have spent almost zero time coding.

I feel as if modafinil provides momentum. Whatever you are currently doing, it will make you continue doing it.

Therefore if I'm just getting ready, “dawdling”, idling, I will continue idle.

There's no free lunch.

Thanks to modafinil, I've had a wonderfully productive day of programming. But I have been an absolute robot – not mean or anything, but just focused. And now it's 2:18am and I still don't feel like sleeping.

But my mind is definitely thinking slower! Haha.

I should take the following day off. But also take modafinil just to try adapt. Though that seems like an odd thought... why take it if I am not going to use it?

No. Take tomorrow off modafinil as well.

But don't sleep in. Sleep til max 10am then go to the beach. Maybe meet up with L. Maybe invite B to come with me. Maybe stop by at CrossFit on the way back. So bring a bag with workout gear?

Yeah. Sounds great!