How to manage the freedom and opportunities that come with a loving, long-term, trusting relationship?
It's better than being single – I'm pretty sure. It's better than early stage dating – for sure.
I don't want to cheat. I love my wife. Yet... I also want to be my own person. I think that's also an important thing for our relationship. That I maintain my unique sense of self, my differences, my mystery/unpredictability.
Just the same way I want my wife to always be interesting and somewhat unpredictable for me.
So, how to carve out, rediscover parts of myself, build new parts of myself, while in a long-term relationship?
I have an opportunity to do that soon: a 6 week solo trip to Brazil.
Aside from a lot of good in-person boys time, I'll be looking to build out new business ideas, make new friends, put myself out there, and even explore my sexuality/self-image; of course, while also not cheating.
The latter is probably the trickiest part. What can you consider not cheating while exploring your sexuality? Easy answers would probably be something like doing nofap, trying new sex toys (like a prostate massager), watching a new genre of porn, something like that.
But could you meet people?
I've done tantric massages before with my wife's consent – incredible experiences that left me feeling quite comfortable that I made no negative effect on our relationship, or even left it in a better place. My wife also tried tantric massage and found it interesting, though a bit uncomfortable (likely due to the way it can help one delve into sexual trauma).
So I think I'll do that again – though it can be a tad difficult to find legit practitioners and not just hookers. Especially in Brazil. Lol.
But then the question also remains – is it cheating to hire a hooker if you just chat to them? No sex? What about no contact after so you don't have any emotional connection?
I've hired hookers just to chat with them and my wife has been comfy with it. Granted, she used to be a gp, so I think she understood my curiosity and wanted me to get the closure without making her delve into parts of her life she'd rather forget about, but still...
So that's an option too.
And I'd be a liar if I said there wasn't things I've developed a fetish for because my wife won't/doesn't like to do them. Things like deepthroating, swallowing cum, reluctance/CNC, bdsm (both dominating and being dominated), ass play, pegging. I'm not sure I could do them with another woman without feeling as though it was cheating.
But would it be cheating to discuss the fetishes with a hooker? I'd say no, and I suspect my wife would feel the same.
The other thing I am curious about, or sometimes wish I could experience, is the different types of women and their bodies. Young girls barely out their teens, older women, different ethnicities, tall, short, skinny, chubby, different hairstyles, tattoos, piercings... even transwomen.
Now... I suspect it would be considered cheating to even be in a situation where they are naked and I'm just looking at them and feeling horny. And almost certainly if I was touching/massaging them. And kissing – almost 100% sure that would be considered cheating to the same level as sex.
But... who knows?
In any case I have started a number of conversations with various massage therapists and GPs in Brazil. I haven't told my wife yet, but I wouldn't feel particularly ashamed to do so. And before I did anything, I would always get her permission.
I doubt my wife would accept it, or accept it in such a way that she wouldn't feel hurt — but I am super curious to know what a proper blowjob feels like. She knows I like them, she tries her best – but she has a strong gag reflex and a small mouth/jaw. It's just physically hard for her to give a blowjob and therefore we barely do it as a result.