take what you love and kill it
before you, my reader, i reveal myself. here is a list of all the things i give a fuck about and want, whether i should or shouldn't, whether it's possible or just a dream, without context or explanation.
- writing
- being a writer
- being able to hold my own book in my hands
- those moments of stillness
- beer
- cheese
- looking good in plain clothes
- looking good in dressy clothes
- pretending my boobs don't exist
- sleeping
- how people see me
- being respected
- my health
- feeling carefree
- my hair
- having clear skin
- having undetectable flaws
- being small and occupying as little space as possible
- the sensation of music
- the fact that it took so long to think of music
- the light, airy sound of the flute when played just right
- being beyond reproach
- the fact that viola sounds like mourning
- the colour black
- making younger me proud
- being honest and truthful in all that i do
- being comfortable
- feeling accomplished
- feeling in control
- being able to hide what i want when i want
- the feeling of the japanese language on my tongue
- people knowing i care and accept them
- blending in
- standing out
- finishing what i set out to do
- keeping promises
- living without shame
- growing
- feeling grounded and connected to something
- valuing myself without terms and conditions
- freedom of movement
- not hiding behind things
- death to capitalism
- ending my dependency on capitalism
- self-sufficiency
- infusing all that i do with love
- making people smile
- remaining self-aware
here are all the things i can think of that i love, and here i am acknowledging before you that i only have so much love to give and hold and pursue.