Plural Etiquette Questionnaire

This is something for plurals to fill out to let others (especially non-plurals) know how best to interact with them, and to establish some understandings about communication. It is open for use by systems of any origin, diagnosis status, ability level, and so forth. You are welcome to repost this (including on other sites), remix it for things other than plurality, remove/edit/add questions, and otherwise adapt it as you need. No credit or linkback is needed, just don't be a jerk and claim it was made only by or for X Y and Z.

With special thanks to Plures House for their Rules of Engagement, from which most of this was inspired, and to Found Souls and various singlet friends for their input.

  1. What do you go by collectively? (a system name, a shared username, group pronouns... etc)

  2. How should people refer to you? (should people address individual members whenever possible, or would you rather be referred to collectively, etc)

  3. What terms do you prefer for referring to yourselves as individuals (headmate/alter/system member/...), or as a group (system/collective/household/...)? Is there any other terminology for yourselves or aspects of your experience that you use and want people to know, or that you dislike and want people to avoid when talking about you?

  4. Who in your system are people most likely to interact with? (names, pronouns, short Twitter-esque bios, etc)

  5. Will people be interacting with any child members? How should they treat them? Is there anything they should know when interacting with them?

  6. Are there any system members who are nonverbal or otherwise have difficulty communicating? What should others expect when speaking with them? (having other system members translate, can speak normally over text but will need accommodation over voice, etc)

  7. What should people do if they don't know who's at front?

  8. Is it okay for people to ask if they can talk to someone who isn't at front at the moment?

  9. If someone talks to one of you, will other system members be aware of the conversation? Will they be actively watching, or just able to remember it later?

  10. Adding onto the above – if multiple system members will be aware of a conversation, will they want to chime in? If someone wants to speak to a system member one-on-one, what expectations can they have and how should they communicate this? (for example, it may not be possible to block everyone out but they can try to pay attention to something else and not interrupt)

  11. How out are you? What should people do when talking to people who don't know you're plural? (do you have a “singletsona” name and pronouns they should use; can they talk about knowing someone who's plural in nonspecific terms, without naming you; etc)

  12. Do you have any internal communication difficulties, memory issues, switch triggers, etc that others should be mindful of?

  13. Your stance on being asked questions? (about personal experience, preferences, plurality in general, etc)

  14. Is there anything else others should know?

  15. If you have a FAQ or system site, feel free to link it here.

Shortlink: http://bit.ly/pluraletiquette